6th Month Check In & Progress!!

I know, I know...I haven't been on here in a hot minute. What can I say? I suck at consistency! Lol. It's mostly because it's super hard to make time to blog daily or even weekly. And then also, I get to the point where I feel like nothing much is changing so what am I even going to say?

Well it's been OFFICIALLY 6 months. This is my 3rd weight loss attempt. My first one was in 2012, I made it 4 and a half months and lost 72 pounds. I burnt out. I was in a competition, and as soon as it was over, I had to treat myself, and again and again. I deserved it. I deserved a break. And before I knew it, I was out of control.

Then in 2016, I started it up again. Mid-Jun...I was at my all-time high of 371 pounds and feeling miserable. I had been to my first Cardinals Baseball game and left with bruises on my hips because I couldn't sit in the seats. I was at an all-time low. I put my butt in gear and did what I do best. I put 100% of my efforts in to losing weight. I found the Diet-Bet App, and it was just what I needed to get that extra push to stay on track. 5 months later, I had lost 73 pounds. I had bought our first home with my husband, I had a million things to do with the move, and making it my own and all of that, and I lost it. I did ok maintaining up to Christmas, and then in 2-3 months or so I packed it all back on with a vengeance and a LOT of Reeses Hearts and Reeses Eggs. I mean a LOT.

Fast forward to the end of May. My sister decides she's going to try the Keto diet. sounds scary. But interesting. I start listening to what she's doing and learning a LOT about carbs that I didn't know, and every day I start the day saying, "Ok, I've got to stop eating like crap, let me not worry about a special diet, let me just worry about not eating all the garbage and just do better and then I can ease back in"...months go by....my sister is LOSING, and I'm bitter. Every day is a struggle. Every day I beat myself up. Every day I give up. Tomorrow is a new day.

Fast forward again to Thursday, September 21st, 2017. OB/GYN appointmnet. Doc comes in and says, "Honor, you've gained over 70 pounds since you came in last year, what the hell happened?"

Ouch. That hurt.

He said, "I thought you wanted to have a baby?" Oh...I don't know doc. I'm getting older now, and I just feel like it's not in the cards for me. He says, "You're 33...you are not too old, stop using that as an excuse. And it doesn't matter, you can't just gain 70 pounds in a year. You're killing your body and confusing the hell out of it" (Yes, this is how my doc talks to me. And I Love it! Honesty, even if it's brutal, lol) He listened to me. He let me cry about my own frustrations and stressors and straight up titty baby excuses. I left that office in tears, and ashamed of myself. But with a resolve to make a change. 2 days later I did an outdoor session for some friends of mine. At a big park in Jackson. It was a million degrees outside and I seriously may have had a heat stroke that day. I had the worst migraine for the rest of the day and I was straight up miserable. I KNEW that was it. I didn't eat anything until lunch that day. I was at Olive Garden with those same friends and my cousin. I ate normally for lunch. I went home and I cried myself to sleep. I slept half of the afternoon. And I woke up on a mission. I found out about a weightloss challenge that started that same day on Facebook and it was after the cut off to get into it. I messaged the person running it and she agreed to let me join. I was in! It was a new beginning! I was ready to go. Saturday, September 23rd, 2017...attempt #3 had begun. Except this time is wasn't an attempt. This time, I KNEW I was going to do it differently. My focus was NOT going to be to spend hours a day, every day in the gym to lose as much as I could as fast as I could. Even though, that is a great feeling, I knew I could burn out again. This time I was making LIFESTYLE changes. LifeLONG changes. This time was going to be different.

And so far it has been completely different. I never made it past the 5 months mark...this is 6 months. Not much longer, but an accomplishment nevertheless. I did strict Keto the first 5 months and the last month or so, I've moved over to a more Low-Carb lifestyle with less restrictions and a little more freedom with my diet. I feel AMAZING. Yea, my muscles still hurt, but that's how I know I'm still doing things to push my body.

So the final results for 6 months are a 63 pound loss, and 33 inches gone! I'm super excited to see where the next 6 months take me. I remember the first mile I walked in September. I walked on my lunch break and I felt like my body was revolting. I had chafed thighs and blisters when I was done. I remember almost crying while I was walking because it took everything in me to keep going. Yesterday, I walked to the end of our road here at work. It ended up being 2.34 miles. I started my walk with blisters on my feet, so needless to say, I was hurting when I got back. BUT, I was not out of breath and feeling defeated. Nope, I was VICTORIOUS! I'm well on my way to being able to walk a 5k! And I'm SOOOO happy!!

December 12th, 2017: Week 11 Weigh-in

I did my weigh-in Saturday morning! I've just been insanely busy since then, haha. I told my cousin, I think if I had every day off from now through Christmas, I still wouldn't get everything done that I'd like to. And then every night I go home from work thinking of all the things I'm going to get done and then, nada, nope. Hardly anything accomplished. Lol. I have way more energy now than I used to, so I do get more done. I'm just not being very productive with my time!

Ok on to the weigh-in. This week, I hopped on the scale, and she was being my friend. Lol. 343...43 pounds down. I'm already looking forward to getting over that 50 pound hump. I just have to keep chugging along. No matter how slowly it feels. Lol.

I keep comparing this time with last rime and wondering if I'm doing what's best for me. And then I remember that I'm not just doing Keto for weightloss. This way of eating is also really great for PCOS, and I want to get that under control too!

I've been having LOTS of emotions this week. I don't know if it's the holidays, or people being pregnant and having babies that are closer to me, or just me being hormonal, but I went and broke down on one of my besties this week, and my boss (who is also a friend) and my cousin's husnbad who is also my co-worker and friend got to share some of my sappiness too! Haha, I don't think he was too fond of that. :D I'm just dealing with a lot of guilt from previous failed attempts at weightloss. If I had been successful 6 years ago when I started, I could have possibly had a baby by now. I control that. Not the having the baby part, but the getting my body ready to be ABLE to do so. That's 100% in my control and no one else's. And I go through these little mind tricks where I say to myself, I'm already 34, I can share happiness and steal other people's kids when I need my kid-fix, and then I'll be fine. Nope, it's not fine. It will be, if that's what is in the cards, but giving up hope is just not where I'm at right now. I have tried to. Really hard. I feel like it will make it hurt less. But times like these make me really realize how bad the yearning is still there.

Sorry I know I'm rambling. My brain is going in a million directions right now. I'm just trying really hard to stay focused on WHY I need to stay on track and keep that number going down. I get a little cracked up when I see posts that say "Don't focus on the scale" "The scale doesn't matter" I couldn't disagree more. Especially if you are over 100 pounds or so overweight. The scale matters soooo much! Maybe not daily or even weekly, but if you are not dropping weight, then you are doing something wrong. Period. Losing weight really isn't rocket science. The part about what you have to do. It's the motivation and staying strong through cravings that does most people in. And that doesn't go away. Even when I lost 72 pounds, I was still having cravings. Well that's what did me in really. I gave in to too many and it just all spiraled out of control.

My friend Olivia pointed something cool out to be the other day. I am now below what my starting weight was 6 years ago. I hate that I added that much extra, but it is what it is. I'm going the right direction now and that's all that matters. :)

Have a great day y'all! Talk soon.
Xoxo....Honor

December 7th, 2017: Happy Blog-A-versary!

Haha weird title today, I know, but it's my 6 year Blog-A-Versary!! I started my Blog 6 years ago yesterday actually. I have spent some time the past two days thinking about how differently my life might have gone if I had kept up with my journey back then. Obviously it doesn't really matter because I can't change a thing about the past. On to the present and future! That's what truly matters. And I'm super excited about it! I'm still going strong. My motivation is in check, and my weight is moving down all the time. Woohoo!

I have some huge goals to reach in the next few weeks! Most importantly because my dollas are on the line. Haha. I started a couple of Diet Bets right before Thanksgiving, and I was having a GREAT day and weighed-in in the morning (I usually do those at night), so I have a week to hit another 5 or 6 pound loss and then 4 days to lose 3 more. Lol. What have I done!? This week has been going great though. It's my . week and I'm still seeing the scale drop. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that, so far, I've done two 24 hour fasts! Lol. I never, ever would have thought I could do that! But it was actually quite easy. Most likely, the reason why it was so easy is because my body is fat-adapted now so it's using up my fat storage for energy and helping me lose more weight.

I'm excited to see where the next few months bring me on my journey. I'm also curious how long it will take me to hit the 100 pounds lost mark. I'm ready to be there!

Make healthy choices! Talk to you later.

Xoxo....Honor

December 3rd, 2017: Week 10 Weigh-in

So yesterday was the 1st weigh-in for the challenge I'm in (with my friend, Olivia) on facebook. My initial weigh-in for them last week was right after having a really crappy day, laying on the couch most of the day and eating over my calories and carbs a bit, as well as being super bloated and swollen. I weighed in at 360, which was up about 6 pounds or so from the previous week. This week, I got those 6 off and few more, and weighed in at 353. I'm fluctuating lower than that too, but for the official weigh-in on Saturday, that's what I turned in. We shall see what this week holds. I THINK I found something that has been slowing my progress a bit. I've read quite a few keto-ers are getting stalled by eating to many almonds and other keto approved nuts. What the crap?! I eat almonds almost every day. Sometimes two servings. And some days I eat Macadamia nuts too! Lol....sooo....I'm going to cut back on them and see what happens. I'm a tiny bit sad about it, because they are a super easy grab and go snack and super convenient for work. But, we have to do what works!

Breakfast was weird last week because I made some broccoli and cheese egg muffins. I suffered through them for two days, and that was it. They had a super strange taste and I couldn't do it. So I ended up eating bacon, cheese and almonds for breakfast the rest of the week. Whatever works! Tonight I made up some Cinnamon Pumpkin Fiber Muffins for breakfasts. I LOVE them. And the recipe makes 16 of them, so that gives me Breakfast for 8 days. Boom! I learned my lesson the hard way though. I'll have to freeze half of them, and hope they don't taste too weird. Because they get moldy after about day 5, and that breaks my heart! Lol.

Y'all have a GREAT week! I'm definitely going to be walking my fanny off and eating right! What are you gonna do?

Xoxo....Honor

November 30th, 2017: Still trucking along

I'm still here. Still doing my thang. I'm not seeing the scale move right now, so I find it harder to motivate myself to blog during those times. Last Saturday I was insanely swollen and bloated. I was sick the day before. I did my weigh-in for the 4 Week Challenge Saturday morning and the scale was at 360. It's better now, but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. This whole up and down business is new to me. It's with the Keto Diet. I hit 10 weeks this Saturday, and at this point last year, I had lost 45 pounds. I'm NOT there and it's frustrating. But, last time I had to work out at least an hour per day 5-6 days per week to get those results, and I'm not far behind that with barely walking and no actual workouts hardly at all. So that's a big deal to me. I don't have the time to commit all of that to the gym right now. Maybe once I get some more of this weight off and have more energy and am getting things done fast, maybe then. But right now, this is working just fine.

I've been perfect on my diet. I'm super proud of that. I've been in a bit of a slump iwth walking and extra activity. I've been using up my time and energy on decorating for Christmas, cooking almost everything from scratch, and taking/editing pictures. I'm having a hard time working it all in, but I'm making it work.

Keep on moving!
Xoxo...Honor

November 20th, 2017: Progess

Ok so this morning I had to weigh-in for one of my Diet Bets and I had to be at 351.4, I was 353 point something Saturday, so I was really worried I wouldn't get this one. I could weigh in today or tomorrow, so my plan was if I didn't make it today, I'd live on Chicken broth all day and hope for the best tomorrow. Haha. I got on the scale and to my amazement it said 350.4! That's another 3 pounds in 2 days! Ok, so I'll probably bounce back up. But today, it felt super good. 35 pounds down baby.

So when you weigh in for these challenges, you have to take a pic of the scale with a secret word (so they know it's your weight from today) and then a full body pic of you on your scale. The great think about this, is that it gives me great comparison shots.

So I am happy to see a change! Anyone who read my blog yesterday knows how I was feeling, so seeing a visable change was just what I needed! Now I feel ready to take on Thanksgiving week and smash it! 

I may have to walk 10 miles on Thanksgiving....maybe I'll just walk home from SIkeston :D Haha....ok I'm just kidding. I have already alotted myself 40 carbs on Thanksgiving (I usually do 20), so I'm ready to go! I'm NOT ready for the jedgement from my family...but I will deal. I keep thinking, I should have started sooner, because now, I won't look different from the last time I saw them and Christmas is so soon after, that I will still look the same. But come Easter time...folks are gonna take notice. Oh yea! Lol

Goodnight y'all. I'm gonna hang out with my sick baby nephew and put away laundry, while Jamie goes and gets some of our Christmas decorations. :) :)

November 19th, 2017: Before the Success

So as I'm sitting here scrolling the Instagram...my brain starts spinning. I've figured out why this stage in weightloss is so complicated for me.

In the beginning you're all new and fresh and ready to go. You suck at every part of the weightloss thing because it's new and you are having to struggle to find recipies and it takes forever because it's all new. The exercise is the same. My first mile, I thought I was going to DIE, I hurt all over, my heartrate got into the upper 170's easy and I couldn't breath and thought I needed to stop and my feet were on fire! Now I'm not about to say that walking a mile is a breeze for me now. It's not. My feet still hurt. But it doesn't feel like a life or death thing anymore. lol. I walked 7.5 miles last week! That is just insane to me. I've never walked that many miles in a week that I can remember. '

Ok so back to the point. I was strolling through Instagram....one of my favorite things to do these days. I have shown Instagram that I'm super interested in accounts that feature keto lifestyles and extreme weightloss. And as I'm scrolling through, I get stuck on this one girl. She's lost 40 something pounds. She is only 5 foot 2, but her starting weight was just under 200...that's a huge difference from me (SW386.4), so those 40 something pounds have transformed her life. She was talking about how that before pic was the old her and she was never going back to the old her and how much happer and healthier and wonderful her life was now.

I've lost 32.9 pounds...not much difference right.  And nothing about my appearance has changed. I was sitting here staring at her before and after pic and it hit me. I know what has been bothering me so badly this past few weeks...

I'm ALL IN...8 weeks down but it feels like a lifetime. I am NOT the same person I was 8 weeks ago. I FEEL like the new me, stuck in the old me body. Does that make any sense? I have the energy to go and go and go, but this stupid body won't let me. MANY days my feet give up on me way before my mind and the rest of me is ready to stop. I don't know that I've ever felt this way before. My first successful weightloss was 6 years ago. I know my body has changed since then. I went from doing this in my 20's to doing it in my mid-30's (wow I'm getting old). I feel this sense of urgency. I know that having the weight on me has always been super bad but I felt helpless and I surrounded myself with why I was overweight, rather than finding ways to make it better. Being overweight is hard on your body and bad on your organs. But I'm not just overweight, no, I'm super obese. I'm in the largest size of clothing sold in most Plus Size sections of any store. So my weight isn't just "bad for me", it's a freaking train wreck. I know that. I don't know why I haven't made this happen and got it all off sooner.....I don't know why I allowed those 77 pounds I lost 6 years ago to come back with 20 extra. I don't know why I allowed those 70 pounds I lost last year to come back either. What I do know, is that I canNOT keep doing this. I can't keep starting over, I can't keep failing. I can't keep letting my happiness be dictated by what I'm going to get to eat next. I can't keep making excuses for why I make bad decisions that inevetibly make my life-span shorter and shorter.

I'm there. My mind is where it's supposed to be....so....body catch up already. I laid in my bed looking at my wide open closet this morning. Looking at all of the 26/28 clothing I've acquired over the years. Some of them are brand new, some are 4 or 5 years old or even older. I've been in a size 26/28 for years. Sometimes they fit losely, sometimes I look like a can of busted biscuits in them, but that has been my primary size of clothing for at least 7 or 8 years. Maybe longer. And the only way I can wear that size in pants is if they are strechy. I have a pair of 28 jeans I got into last year. But I feel soooo weird in jeans. I haven't worn them regularly since my early 20's. I wonder, when I lose the weight if I will like wearing them? They feel so weird to me. Like I can't move in them. Maybe I'll just wear yoga pants and leggings forever. Haha. They make me happy.

Sorry if this one was annoying, I just had some random thoughts that I had to put out there so my brain would stop spinning and repeating the same things over and over. It seems like, once I get it all written down, I work through my thoughts and I feel better about it. Yes, I'm aware that I'm super weird. Lol

Xoxo....Honor

November 18th, 2017:Week 8 Weigh-in

Well the Weightloss Challenge is over. 8 weeks of my re-focused journey is complete. I ended up losing 2.8 pounds this week, which put me at 32.8 pounds lost. I should be totally happy about that, but I walked 7 miles this week. SEVEN! That is a personal record for me. I really felt like I pushed myself super hard, and my eating was perfect this week. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I'm losing. I just feel lke I'm putting in enough effort to lose more...maybe I'm greedy. Lol.

So what's next? I'm still actively doing the Diet Bets through the App. And I have a week before the 4 week Christmas Challenge starts. And THEN my sister and I are hosting our own Challenge, which I'll do along with a weightloss challenge I'm doing with these ladies I've been with. I got 9th place in this one. I was one of 19 women out of 70 that completed every single workout challenge. I didn't win anything, and neither did my sis, but I really feel like it kept me on track and helped push me, when I might have slipped up.

My next goal is to try to start being more active.  The weight came off a lot faster when I was going to the Y and doing a ton of Zumba. I don't have time for all of that these days, but I am going to try to do more cardio other than walking.

Thanks for tuning in! I'm ready for Thanksgiving! I get 5 days off from work and I am hoping to get my house all ready for Christmas decorations.

Xoxo...Honor

November 17th, 2017: New Life, New ways...

Seriously, this way of living is a totally new way of life. No joke. When I did low calories, I could eat out just about anywhere, and just order healthier smaller portions. And I would think Keto would be the same, but I got a rude awakening. I went to eat lunch with my momma and granny for my mom's birthday. I was a little concerned, because I knew we were going to a small cafe, and those places like their breading! Lol. Well I get there and I had already decided I was going to try for some Grilled chicken and a side salad. Sounds easy enough, right? Nope. They had ZERO chicken that wasn't breaded. I KNOW my commitment to the way of eating is at 100%, because, in the past, I would have just said, well a little breading on the chicken won't hurt. But today, nope. I held my head up and I enjoyed a nice visit with my family while they ate the carbs (mom had a salad with ham in it, I opted out because that pre-diced ham has added sugars) and I had a me a tasty glass of water. LOL. And then I came back to work and warmed up my Stir-Fry that I meal-prepped on Sunday for the whole week. Woohoo! So now my tummy is nice and full, and I have zero guilt. That's the way to live!

Tomorrow is the final weigh-in for the competition. I am not going to win. NOT because I didn't give it all of my effort, but because there's no way I could lose 15 pounds this week to catch up to the girl in the lead. The fact that I'm in the Top 10 of so many people with me having PCOS makes me pretty dang proud anyways. And I had to get 10,000 steps 6 days this week to complete the last workout challenge, so now I'm in the running to win a sweet $250 prize. Woohoo!

I'm feeling good! I'm feeling strong and accomplished! And because I feel like being in this competition has caused me to veer away from some bad decisions, I joined their next one! It starts the day after Thanksgiving and runs 4 weeks up to the Saturday before Christmas. I really think it will help me to stay accountable during one of the toughest times of the year to behave!

I'll check in with you soon with my Week #8 Results!

Xoxo...Honor

November 15th, 2017: Week 7 Results & in my Feels

Ok I admit it. I think about blogging more than I actually do. Haha. But it's important to me to check in weekly, because it helps me document my progress to come back to later. Especially if I get to feel deflated. So far, so good y'all! I'm definitely NOT going to be winning this weightloss competition I'm in. I'm not sure what those girls at the top are doing, but it has to be magic. The ones at the top weigh less than 170 pounds and have been dropping 3-5 consistently. It's insane. But the great thing about it is that it keeps me accountable and helps to motivate me, and at the end of the day, that's what is the most important to me.

So this wasn't a big lose week. I lost a pound and a half. Still a loss and I'm not sad about it. Anything less than the week before is progress, and that's what I want. I had a rough start to the week. The Week 6 weigh-in was 357, then Saturday or Sunday night I had a dream about the best cheat meal ever. A yummy burger with a thick butter bun, cheese curds, curly fries and a large strawberry shake. It was magical. And apparently that dream was way too vivid. Because I woke up the next  morning and I had gained THREE pounds. And it took me all week to get those little bastards back off! Last week I had to walk 6 miles for the Workout Challenge and I walked my booty off. I felt like I should be losing 50 pounds, but nope. I had to get that 3 back off and I was super happy with the pound and a half extra after such a crazy week! No more dreams! Lol. They ruin my life!

So Week 7 official weigh-in was 355.4 Officially 30 pounds gone in less that 2 months! That's good stuff right there! My crazy sister lost 8 and a half pounds this week! Lol, way to make me look bad bro! haha. I'm really proud of her though. We are both so invested in this. I truly hope this is our time to shine. We have worked so hard to break bad habits and misconceptions and it's really a journey. I feel like our failures have only made us stronger in this. I stalk all the big losers on Instagram, and seriously, I just imagine what it would be like. People get HAWT when they lose all that weight too! I want to release my inner sexy mamasita! LOL Obviously that is NOT where my focus is, I just had to throw that out there. I'm so much more concerned with being able to do the things all the other people I know get to do. Go into a theater and not be worried about the seats being so small that I'm in physical pain. Being able to buy normal patio furniture on sale just because it's cute. I can't do that now because 95% of the patio furniture has arms on the chairs that cause me to not be able to sit in them. How ridiculous is that?! I'm soooooo ready for all of that to be a distant memory. There are many more things I could share like this. But you know what I mean. Life is just not the same when you are bigger than 95% (or more) of the people in your town/community. It's so sad that when I go to an event that has a lot of people, I look to see if there's anyone as big as me. Just so I'm not the only one. It sucks. And I'm DONE with it.

I've found myself holding back from a lot of things more recently. I'm just so tired of having to search out the chair without arms, or not be able to participate because I'm too fat or, just simply feeling uncomfortable because everyone around me is a size 2-14 ish and I'm busting out of my 26/28 clothes. It's exhausting. And I'm over it. And I'm a social butterfly, so I hate to sit at home and miss out too.

Ok I'm done being a titty baby. I love you guys! Thank you so much for your support.

Xoxo....Honor

November 8th, 2017: Week 6 results

Well ok, I know it's Wednesday and I do my weigh-ins on Saturdays. But in all honesty, I've always been super obsessive about this blog while trying to lose weight and I promised myself that I wouldn't get to that point again.

So I had my 6 week weigh-in on Saturday. I lost 5 pounds. Woohoo! And on the week of Halloween no less! That's good stuff right there! I love that I am headed in the right direction. I want it to be faster, but I trust the process. I don't always trust my approach to the process, haha. But I do know that I'm doing the right things to get me to a healthy weight and life. Really, that's all that matters. I doubt what I'm doing ALL. THE. TIME. But, I'm doing it. And 28 pounds in 6 weeks is success.

Today while talking to my sis, I set my first big goal. I want to reach 299 by my Anniversary. That is February 15th and that is 58 pounds in approximately 3 months. That's a BIG goal, but I'm gonna work it!

I've been walking for the Challenge in the weightloss group I'm in. I know it's good for me, and I really need to keep it up, because my feet are soooo tender these days. I did a half mile on the treadmill yesterday and seriously had a blister start to come up. I had walked a half mile on my lunch too, but really....half a mile....that's not that far. I left the gym and I was so frustrated. My body wasn't physically tired...nope...it was my stupid feet! So I had a moment where I made myself proud. I drove over to the park and did another half mile. It was chilly (which is why I chose the gym) but I love walking outside or on a track of some kind way more than the treadmill. I feel like I work twice as hard on the treadmill and I really do hate it. I love the ellipticals and the arc trainers, but no treadmill. Yuck! Lol.

I'm supposed to walk 6 miles by Friday night. And I'm 3.5 miles in. I should be further, but I was soooo sick earlier this week. I'm still sick, but starting to feel a little bit better. I'm determined to get those miles in. Not just for the competition, but for me. I'm acutally starting to see small changes like putting on my shoes is easier and getting stuff I dropped in the floor isn't a breath holding marathon anymore! I love it! I crave normalcy. Even though I hear it's a myth, I just want a new, healthier normal. You know?

I'm gonna keep pushing. Thanks for tuning in.

Xoxo....Honor

October 30th, 2017: No Rewards

So I have this crazy mentality that if I have a good week and lose some weight, well I deserve a reward! And of course, in my brain, that means chocolate. I told myself Friday night that if I lost at least 2 pounds on Saturday, I deserved a Mini Snickers. I had it sitting out on my table from filling Halloween Trick or Treat bags and everything! I went and weighed in, and holy DANG I lost 4 pounds....oh yea...I'm getting that snickers. I went in the kitchen and I looked at it.

Is it really worth it? Hmm

So I decided to think about it. What if that tiny Snickers kicks me out of ketosis and sets me back? What if it causes me to stall out again? Do I want it more than I want to lose weight?

I'm proud to say, I overcame that little indecent. that snickers is still sitting on my table. It was SUPER hard to leave it there, but doing so...I think it made me stronger! I CAN stop myself. Without anyone's help at all. I hold the power to make the good changes.

I can be successful and not reward myself with food. I see it all the time that it's the worst kind of sabotage for weightloss. I love setting goals with non-food rewards though. Last year, I had a goal to hit 50 pounds lost and I would get a massage. It was GREAT! But I have to get cheaper rewards this time around. Lol.

I'm trying something new this week with my food. We shall see what happens. I realized I was only getting an average of 7-10 grams of Fiber per day. Women should get 20-25. I NEVER get that high. So I made some insanely high Fiber muffins that have 0.6 carbs (oh yea) in them. They aren't amazing, but...they are ok. I think they are kindof dry, so I may try to change up the recipe a bit if this works well for me. Fiber is super important for weightloss and gut health. And I'm all about that!

Halloween is tomorrow! I might need some Atkins M&M's to survive it! Lol! I do plan to make some keto cupcakes to help with any sugar cravings I might have. So we shall see how the day/night goes.

Thanks for tuning in!
Xoxo...Honor

October 28th, 2017: 5th Weigh-in

Well, needless to say, I was pretty freaked out about weighing in this morning. Last week was pretty devastating, and I couldn't decide whether I was cool with just not gaining and going back to 365 from the previous week, or whether I felt like I deserved to drop a pound or so. Last week was 366.4, today was 362.4...woohoo!!! I changed up a few things, so I'm not 100% sure what was the cause, or if it was a variety of things. 

My least favorite thing that I changed, was dropping my sugar free Atkins M&M's. They were pretty much the only thing I was eating that wasn't made from whole foods. I also started drinking 2 tblsp's per day of Apple Cider Vinegar. Lots of PCOS Keto'ers seem to find great success in adding the ACV. It's great for your whole system for various reasons (don't believe me, just Google it!), so either way, I was commited.

I also started taking my MCT oil more regularly. I'm not sure that it does anything, but it's suppose to have some amazing health benefits too, so whatever. Lol

Alright, I'm headed to bed! Fun family pics with one of my besties tomorrow. :) Have a great one!

xoxo...Honor

October 27th, 2017: Sheesh, Where have I been!?

Wow, 8 days and no blog, I suck! I'm still trucking along. I guess I just feel like things are pretty uneventful in weight-loss world. I'm doing the things. And I'm doing them exactly how I am supposed to be. But the scale is a jerk. Seriously. We aren't friends. :( I weighed in for my Facebook Diet Challenge I'm in last Saturday and was up 1.6 pounds from the previous week. No cheating. No going off the rails of any kind. Just my body and my scale being in a fight. Lol. It's hard. But I KNOW I'm doing the right things. I am in a ton of support groups for the keto way of eating, and lots of people stall, but they go on to lose a ton of weight. So not getting discouraged! I'm hoping and praying for a good loss tomorrow. We shall see.

Tonight I get to enjoy the company of a good friend, but I also get to fill Halloween bags with yummy candy. Oh how fun! Lol. It will be VERY difficult, but having someone to jabber with will definitely help keep me distracted. I almost decided not to do candy this year, but dang it! I love it! Last year we had sooooo many kiddos show up and it was super fun! So I'm sucking it up, and I will NOT eat the candy. Hopefully...lol. No really, I for real think I'm good.

This weekend should be nice and busy! I hope you all have a great one!!

Xoxo...Honor

October 19th, 2017: How My Living Room Tried to Kill Me!

Ok that title is a little overly dramatic, but I'm guessing it got your attention right?! :) So I tried something new today. In January or February of this year, I bought a 1 year all access pass to the Team Beachbody Workout videos. Today...in OCTOBER, I logged in to my account for the first time. What a sad waste of money. But anyways...I did it and I'm proud of myself for it! I did Day 1 of the 21 Day Fix workout. Day 1...shouldn't be so bad...at least that's what I thought. Wrong, wrong WRONG! Lol...omg....I think I broke an ab...and also both thighs. Yup...lol. The whole workout is set up in 60 second rounds of torture, followed by a 20 second break. They look awesome doing them. I looked like a cow stuck on it's back that couldn't get up. She said, "You can do anything for 60 seconds!"....um no...I can die in 60 seconds of that torture! Lol...but I did it. I pushed through and I did NOT do everything the way they did, but I kept moving and I did it. I may or may not be able to sit up out of my bed tomorrow though. The jury is still out on that one. But I did it. Whew...30 minutes of 60 second torture rounds. Don't believe me? Come over and try it! I'll record you for future entertainment purposes! :)

Anywho....surprisingly I had a pretty good day today. I say surprisingly because my scale is still not on my good side. I think it's possessed by the weightloss demons and refusing to give me any good news. I'm gonna seriously shed some tears if it doesn't start cooperating. I am trying so dang hard and for the number to not be changing, it makes me a tiny bit insane.

I tried something new today. It's a Pre-workout powder stuff that you add to your water. Idk if it helped me any or not. I could try the torture video again tomorrow without the drink and see, but I wanna live to see the weekend, so maybe not.

Have a great night!
Xoxo...Honor

October 18th, 2017: The Brain is a Fickle Thing

As I'm sure you guys are fully aware. My brain is my biggest obstacle in the journey to being a healthier me. 100%. It is my frenemy. Ok I don't know if that works here but it's an issue for sure.

I have been struggling to stay on track. I am doing fine with my food choices, but I am NOT getting enough exercise in. It feels 100 times harder this time. It hurts to do anything. More than ever before. I have this DEEP desire to be active and fit, yet my body is fighting me the entire way! It's annoying!

So when you are trying a new way of eating, people tend to take notice. One of the first people to become curious is my boss. She is what I would refer to as "skinny" but she is constantly on a mission to lose weight and her hubby has some health issues, so when she heard of what I was doing, she had a ton of questions, and within a few days, she had them both on a low carb life. Why am I telling you this? Well because of her decision, she brought all the snack cakes from her home, to work. We have a bunch of guys that will just eat that mess up. Except...they are taking forever. And those snack cakes are staring me in the face every dang day. And the scale has been a butt munch to me this week, and as I'm just really getting started, I find that to be absolutely ridiculous and annoying and I want to eat ALL THE SNACK CAKES....

I didn't. But I easily could have. They are the devil. The only kind that are left, I don't even care for. But right now, they look tasty. And I would love to eat one. And then cry about it the rest of the day and beat myself up about it. THAT's why I don't. But the constant mind games I'm playing with myself is a little insanity inducing to say the least. But...the silver lining is...so far, so good. So far, I have held out and have not made a single bad eating decision. Sugar free M&M's with Almonds are DEFINITELY keeping me sane. I know they are a crutch. But right now, they are keeping me from making a FAR worse decision. So right now. I'm rolling with it.

That's all! Gotta get to bed, I'm falling asleep over here. Thanks for tuning in. I feel like a soap opera these days, but hey, those are fun...so....ha.

Xoxo...Honor

October 16th, 2016: I'm Still Here

Oh my Gosh! I know, I know, I've been terrible about blogging! Lol. I never said I was going to do it daily this time. And honestly I'm all about blogging when I have good news and things are going great. But this weekend was crazy busy, and a I didn't get around to it.

Soooo let's start out with my wiegh in results. This week I weighed in at 365. That means that in three weeks, I've lost 20 pounds. I'll take it! I only lost 2.8 this week, but it's a loss. This was my special lady week, so I thought it was hindered a bit by water retention or bloating, but here it is Monday and I've actually gone UP a pound. What the crap man?! So yea, I'm in a poopy mood. I've been fighting mild depression all day. How sad that something so temporary can do that to me, but if one thing can put my in a bad mental state, it's my body. I KNOW that I can push through this. But in this moment, I'm angry and defeated and I want a cheeseburger with Mozzerella sticks and a Pumkin Pie milkshake. I also know that eating all of that would most likely make me sick as a dog, so I had almonds and sugar free M&M's instead. Lol.

I can do this. I just have to push through. I have to keep going. I KNOW I need more exercise. The problem with that comes with a story:

Saturday morning I got up, and I did my weigh-in and then we got ready for the A21 walk. It was supposed to be about a mile walk wearing T-shirts and signs and walking in a straight line to help raise awareness for Human Trafficking in the US. I was so happy to be able to do it! I've been walking a mile 2-4 times per week and though, heck yea, I've got this.

So we get there and all is good, I'm pumped and ready to go, and even though I knew right away I was the biggest person there, I wasn't focusing on that. I was ready to walk. So here we go...walk from the grocery store, across the street, about 100 yards or so later, I am watching the people in front of me and they keep holding their phones up high and taking pictures and videos of this powerful movement of people. Me, being me, I think, hey self! Let's take a pic of this to share on the facebook! So I get my phone out and I hold it up high to take a picture..and the next thing I know...I'm eating the pavement. Yup...I fell flat on my face. Well...not technically, technically I slow fell, holding my phone up to try to keep from hurting my precious baby phone, I failed. I landed mostly on my left side, hurting my left knee, elbow, and arm muscles pretty badly and somehow hurting my left heel. And the grand finale...I shattered the back of my phone. Sad, sad day. It was the single most embarrassing thing ever. The entire walk stopped and everyone started bowing out to try to get a look at the idiot that couldn't walk on uneven sidewalk and I. was. mortified. I'm like, go, go, go, go....just leave my to die in my embarrassment! I made my way with my lovely support group to the end of the line. I don't think anyone could believe I was ok. Hell I wasn't even sure I was convinced I was ok, but nothing felt broken, so I was gonna finish this dang walk that claimed the life of my beautiful phone screen. Much to my own amazement, I did it. And I was feeling pretty proud of myself afterward too!

I came home with hubby and my cuz Jess and did a few final things for our party, I was VERY glad I had been on top of things the night before and pretty much had the entire thing ready to go. So I was able to chill out and visit and blab, and blab some more and do my makeup (mermaid) and hers (cute scarecrow) for the party. The rest of my weekend kindof went by in slow-mo because by the end of Saturday I was in some serious pain and then Sunday was ROUGH, I barely got the laundry even done. But I survived! I'm feeling a little better today, but I still didn't work out at all. I'm going to do something tomorrow for sure!

Good night y'all!
Xoxo...Honor

October 13th 2017: Happy Friday the 13th!

Oh my gosh! What a busy few days it has been! I barely remembered to blog tonight! I've been a busy Chicka. Y3sterday after work, I did a bit of cleaning, and then I got to see my nephews and sister which is always fun and chaos. Haha. It's mostly chaos because of my sweet baby Dane puppy. Yes a BRAT and makes having kiddos for company a challenge! But we still managed to have a good visit. It was VERY much needed because I received some very, very bad news yesterday that I can't share because it affects other people and they aren't ready for it to be public, so I'm stuck with holding this in (close friends k ow what's up). But it's still stressful. I don't k ow what is going to happen over the course of the next few months, but I'm going to do my very, very best to keep my health a priority. Life changes and stress are some of the easiest things to throw you off balance and let your health move to the backburner. I don't want to allow that to happen this time. I want to fight through it and fight for ME. I'm important enough! I'm worth it! Meanwhile, keep my situation in your prayers.

Today was a better day. Work was pretty steady and Fridays are always easier to muddle though. I knew I had a lot to do after work so I came home ready to get busy. I had to get decorated for a little Halloween Party I'm having tomorrow. Jamie and I busted some tail to get it all done, but now I'm so tired! Lol. I'm ready for bed for sure. Another big day tomorrow and it starts with a weigh-in. Which I don't wanna do. Lol. If rather skip to next week.

Thanks for tuning in!

Xoxo..Honor

October 11th, 2017:

I have had a couple of people ask me what made me think this time will be different. After all, it's my 3rd time. I've lost and gained it back 2 other times already. My answer is simply, I don't know. I don't know WHY I can allow myself to spend 4 or 5 months busting tail and then just let it all come back. It's the single hardest thing. I'll get to a certain point where I feel like I deserve a break, or deserve to let myself have a few treats, and I just keep going and going and don't stop. It's heartbreaking. I know how to lose weight, and I know how to gain weight, but I've never mastered the whole maintenance mode. I've GOT to figure it out. I've got to figure out how to let myself stray a tad, but then be able to reign it back in. I know a TON of people who have done it. I know that I posses the skills and the brain power to do it. So...I just have to do it. I do know that I've leaned on other things and people too much in the past, and I'm trying really hard to change that this time. I've got the whole losing weight thing figured out, now time to get where I want to be or close and figure out a balance that will work for me.

I have never been able to get under 277 pounds. So that is one of my big goals. That will be just over 100 pounds lost. I'm trying to not put a whole lot of pressure on myself with goals and time restraints this time around, because I just get super frustrated when I fail. I do know that the point of making goals is that sometimes you reach them and sometimes you don't. But my brain isn't wired that way. If it's a goal, then I have to get it. Period. End of story. And I make myself crazy will all of that.

I had a great day food wise today. I don't eat until 1pm because of doing the intermittent fasting. It really REALLY works for me, because I've always been a late night snacker and I binge and lose control at the end of the night. That h asnt been an issue at all this time!! I start eating at 1 and eat u til 9pm and that's it. I had enough calories and carbs left at the end of the night that I got to enjoy some almonds and Atkins m&m's and it was heavenly!!! No joke! I was so excited about my life!! Haha.

I completed my 5th day of 10k steps and I'm not moving a dang muscle the rest of the week!! Haha ok, not true, I have stuff to do! I've been so busy worrying about those stupid steps that I have backed up laundry and housework to get done and a Halloween Party to prep for on Saturday!!

Have a good one friends!

Xoxo...Honor

October 10th, 2017: Feel the Burn! (But not so much)

In the words of DJ Tanner, "Oh Mylanta!"I.am.exhausted!! I don't even know how I did it, but I made it to 10k steps today! 4 days in a ROW! I want to do it tomorrow too, so that way I have 2 full, blessed days of no cares!! Lol. I actually have a LOT to do on Thursday and Friday and do not want to be worrying about steps and be too exhausted to get my stuff done. So One MORE Day...that's it. I can DO THIS! 

Today was insane! I was dancing around and making up reasons to move as much as possible, trying to get my steps in. By the time I got home from a crazy busy day at work, I made this amazing Keto Pizza using a crust recipe called "Fat Head Pizza Crust"...oh yea...that hit the SPOT! I was totally in Pizza loving heaven! The recipe made 3 mini pizza's, so I'm hoping they will be as tasty when they are warmed up. That would be AWESOME because that would mean I have two more dinners DONE. Lol. Dinner always takes the most time because I like to get my variety in for that meal. I eat a lot of uncured Black Forest Ham(cuz zero carbs, duh) and cheese and eggs and nuts during the day. So dinner is when I go all out. Tonight was PERFECT. 

After dinner, we (Jamie and I) went for a walk. We took our protector, Duke with us. Haha...he's such a scary cat though. He wouldn't protect a fly. But the sheer mass of him is intimidating to strangers, so it's kind of fun to take him along. :)

The walk was wonderful, weather wise! It was breezy and cooler than it's been in a few weeks and I was in heaven! But oh, my feet. They hurt sooooo bad. I can definitely feel the improvement starting to happen though. The pain doesn't last as long now. The burning also isn't as intense. I'm sitting here writing this blog with almost no pain. So that makes me so dang happy, I can hardly stand it! I have also noticed that putting on my shoes is a little easier too! Those non-scale victories are exactly what I need, because, sadly, the scale hasn't budged at ALL yet this week. I wasn't expecting a whole lot because it's that special week women love so much, but dog-on it! I want to see SOMETHING for all of this hard work! If my body makes it up to me in doubles next week, she shall be forgiven. LOL

This chica is headed to bed y'all! Have a great night!

Xoxo...Honor