Thursday, October 19, 2017
Anywho....surprisingly I had a pretty good day today. I say surprisingly because my scale is still not on my good side. I think it's possessed by the weightloss demons and refusing to give me any good news. I'm gonna seriously shed some tears if it doesn't start cooperating. I am trying so dang hard and for the number to not be changing, it makes me a tiny bit insane.
I tried something new today. It's a Pre-workout powder stuff that you add to your water. Idk if it helped me any or not. I could try the torture video again tomorrow without the drink and see, but I wanna live to see the weekend, so maybe not.
Have a great night!
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
I have been struggling to stay on track. I am doing fine with my food choices, but I am NOT getting enough exercise in. It feels 100 times harder this time. It hurts to do anything. More than ever before. I have this DEEP desire to be active and fit, yet my body is fighting me the entire way! It's annoying!
So when you are trying a new way of eating, people tend to take notice. One of the first people to become curious is my boss. She is what I would refer to as "skinny" but she is constantly on a mission to lose weight and her hubby has some health issues, so when she heard of what I was doing, she had a ton of questions, and within a few days, she had them both on a low carb life. Why am I telling you this? Well because of her decision, she brought all the snack cakes from her home, to work. We have a bunch of guys that will just eat that mess up. Except...they are taking forever. And those snack cakes are staring me in the face every dang day. And the scale has been a butt munch to me this week, and as I'm just really getting started, I find that to be absolutely ridiculous and annoying and I want to eat ALL THE SNACK CAKES....
I didn't. But I easily could have. They are the devil. The only kind that are left, I don't even care for. But right now, they look tasty. And I would love to eat one. And then cry about it the rest of the day and beat myself up about it. THAT's why I don't. But the constant mind games I'm playing with myself is a little insanity inducing to say the least. But...the silver lining is...so far, so good. So far, I have held out and have not made a single bad eating decision. Sugar free M&M's with Almonds are DEFINITELY keeping me sane. I know they are a crutch. But right now, they are keeping me from making a FAR worse decision. So right now. I'm rolling with it.
That's all! Gotta get to bed, I'm falling asleep over here. Thanks for tuning in. I feel like a soap opera these days, but hey, those are fun...so....ha.
Monday, October 16, 2017
Soooo let's start out with my wiegh in results. This week I weighed in at 365. That means that in three weeks, I've lost 20 pounds. I'll take it! I only lost 2.8 this week, but it's a loss. This was my special lady week, so I thought it was hindered a bit by water retention or bloating, but here it is Monday and I've actually gone UP a pound. What the crap man?! So yea, I'm in a poopy mood. I've been fighting mild depression all day. How sad that something so temporary can do that to me, but if one thing can put my in a bad mental state, it's my body. I KNOW that I can push through this. But in this moment, I'm angry and defeated and I want a cheeseburger with Mozzerella sticks and a Pumkin Pie milkshake. I also know that eating all of that would most likely make me sick as a dog, so I had almonds and sugar free M&M's instead. Lol.
I can do this. I just have to push through. I have to keep going. I KNOW I need more exercise. The problem with that comes with a story:
Saturday morning I got up, and I did my weigh-in and then we got ready for the A21 walk. It was supposed to be about a mile walk wearing T-shirts and signs and walking in a straight line to help raise awareness for Human Trafficking in the US. I was so happy to be able to do it! I've been walking a mile 2-4 times per week and though, heck yea, I've got this.
So we get there and all is good, I'm pumped and ready to go, and even though I knew right away I was the biggest person there, I wasn't focusing on that. I was ready to walk. So here we go...walk from the grocery store, across the street, about 100 yards or so later, I am watching the people in front of me and they keep holding their phones up high and taking pictures and videos of this powerful movement of people. Me, being me, I think, hey self! Let's take a pic of this to share on the facebook! So I get my phone out and I hold it up high to take a picture..and the next thing I know...I'm eating the pavement. Yup...I fell flat on my face. Well...not technically, technically I slow fell, holding my phone up to try to keep from hurting my precious baby phone, I failed. I landed mostly on my left side, hurting my left knee, elbow, and arm muscles pretty badly and somehow hurting my left heel. And the grand finale...I shattered the back of my phone. Sad, sad day. It was the single most embarrassing thing ever. The entire walk stopped and everyone started bowing out to try to get a look at the idiot that couldn't walk on uneven sidewalk and I. was. mortified. I'm like, go, go, go, go....just leave my to die in my embarrassment! I made my way with my lovely support group to the end of the line. I don't think anyone could believe I was ok. Hell I wasn't even sure I was convinced I was ok, but nothing felt broken, so I was gonna finish this dang walk that claimed the life of my beautiful phone screen. Much to my own amazement, I did it. And I was feeling pretty proud of myself afterward too!
I came home with hubby and my cuz Jess and did a few final things for our party, I was VERY glad I had been on top of things the night before and pretty much had the entire thing ready to go. So I was able to chill out and visit and blab, and blab some more and do my makeup (mermaid) and hers (cute scarecrow) for the party. The rest of my weekend kindof went by in slow-mo because by the end of Saturday I was in some serious pain and then Sunday was ROUGH, I barely got the laundry even done. But I survived! I'm feeling a little better today, but I still didn't work out at all. I'm going to do something tomorrow for sure!
Good night y'all!
Friday, October 13, 2017
Oh my gosh! What a busy few days it has been! I barely remembered to blog tonight! I've been a busy Chicka. Y3sterday after work, I did a bit of cleaning, and then I got to see my nephews and sister which is always fun and chaos. Haha. It's mostly chaos because of my sweet baby Dane puppy. Yes a BRAT and makes having kiddos for company a challenge! But we still managed to have a good visit. It was VERY much needed because I received some very, very bad news yesterday that I can't share because it affects other people and they aren't ready for it to be public, so I'm stuck with holding this in (close friends k ow what's up). But it's still stressful. I don't k ow what is going to happen over the course of the next few months, but I'm going to do my very, very best to keep my health a priority. Life changes and stress are some of the easiest things to throw you off balance and let your health move to the backburner. I don't want to allow that to happen this time. I want to fight through it and fight for ME. I'm important enough! I'm worth it! Meanwhile, keep my situation in your prayers.
Today was a better day. Work was pretty steady and Fridays are always easier to muddle though. I knew I had a lot to do after work so I came home ready to get busy. I had to get decorated for a little Halloween Party I'm having tomorrow. Jamie and I busted some tail to get it all done, but now I'm so tired! Lol. I'm ready for bed for sure. Another big day tomorrow and it starts with a weigh-in. Which I don't wanna do. Lol. If rather skip to next week.
Thanks for tuning in!
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
I have had a couple of people ask me what made me think this time will be different. After all, it's my 3rd time. I've lost and gained it back 2 other times already. My answer is simply, I don't know. I don't know WHY I can allow myself to spend 4 or 5 months busting tail and then just let it all come back. It's the single hardest thing. I'll get to a certain point where I feel like I deserve a break, or deserve to let myself have a few treats, and I just keep going and going and don't stop. It's heartbreaking. I know how to lose weight, and I know how to gain weight, but I've never mastered the whole maintenance mode. I've GOT to figure it out. I've got to figure out how to let myself stray a tad, but then be able to reign it back in. I know a TON of people who have done it. I know that I posses the skills and the brain power to do it. So...I just have to do it. I do know that I've leaned on other things and people too much in the past, and I'm trying really hard to change that this time. I've got the whole losing weight thing figured out, now time to get where I want to be or close and figure out a balance that will work for me.
I have never been able to get under 277 pounds. So that is one of my big goals. That will be just over 100 pounds lost. I'm trying to not put a whole lot of pressure on myself with goals and time restraints this time around, because I just get super frustrated when I fail. I do know that the point of making goals is that sometimes you reach them and sometimes you don't. But my brain isn't wired that way. If it's a goal, then I have to get it. Period. End of story. And I make myself crazy will all of that.
I had a great day food wise today. I don't eat until 1pm because of doing the intermittent fasting. It really REALLY works for me, because I've always been a late night snacker and I binge and lose control at the end of the night. That h asnt been an issue at all this time!! I start eating at 1 and eat u til 9pm and that's it. I had enough calories and carbs left at the end of the night that I got to enjoy some almonds and Atkins m&m's and it was heavenly!!! No joke! I was so excited about my life!! Haha.
I completed my 5th day of 10k steps and I'm not moving a dang muscle the rest of the week!! Haha ok, not true, I have stuff to do! I've been so busy worrying about those stupid steps that I have backed up laundry and housework to get done and a Halloween Party to prep for on Saturday!!
Have a good one friends!