Monday, November 20, 2017

November 20th, 2017: Progess

Ok so this morning I had to weigh-in for one of my Diet Bets and I had to be at 351.4, I was 353 point something Saturday, so I was really worried I wouldn't get this one. I could weigh in today or tomorrow, so my plan was if I didn't make it today, I'd live on Chicken broth all day and hope for the best tomorrow. Haha. I got on the scale and to my amazement it said 350.4! That's another 3 pounds in 2 days! Ok, so I'll probably bounce back up. But today, it felt super good. 35 pounds down baby.

So when you weigh in for these challenges, you have to take a pic of the scale with a secret word (so they know it's your weight from today) and then a full body pic of you on your scale. The great think about this, is that it gives me great comparison shots.

So I am happy to see a change! Anyone who read my blog yesterday knows how I was feeling, so seeing a visable change was just what I needed! Now I feel ready to take on Thanksgiving week and smash it! 

I may have to walk 10 miles on Thanksgiving....maybe I'll just walk home from SIkeston :D Haha....ok I'm just kidding. I have already alotted myself 40 carbs on Thanksgiving (I usually do 20), so I'm ready to go! I'm NOT ready for the jedgement from my family...but I will deal. I keep thinking, I should have started sooner, because now, I won't look different from the last time I saw them and Christmas is so soon after, that I will still look the same. But come Easter time...folks are gonna take notice. Oh yea! Lol

Goodnight y'all. I'm gonna hang out with my sick baby nephew and put away laundry, while Jamie goes and gets some of our Christmas decorations. :) :)

Sunday, November 19, 2017

November 19th, 2017: Before the Success

So as I'm sitting here scrolling the brain starts spinning. I've figured out why this stage in weightloss is so complicated for me.

In the beginning you're all new and fresh and ready to go. You suck at every part of the weightloss thing because it's new and you are having to struggle to find recipies and it takes forever because it's all new. The exercise is the same. My first mile, I thought I was going to DIE, I hurt all over, my heartrate got into the upper 170's easy and I couldn't breath and thought I needed to stop and my feet were on fire! Now I'm not about to say that walking a mile is a breeze for me now. It's not. My feet still hurt. But it doesn't feel like a life or death thing anymore. lol. I walked 7.5 miles last week! That is just insane to me. I've never walked that many miles in a week that I can remember. '

Ok so back to the point. I was strolling through of my favorite things to do these days. I have shown Instagram that I'm super interested in accounts that feature keto lifestyles and extreme weightloss. And as I'm scrolling through, I get stuck on this one girl. She's lost 40 something pounds. She is only 5 foot 2, but her starting weight was just under 200...that's a huge difference from me (SW386.4), so those 40 something pounds have transformed her life. She was talking about how that before pic was the old her and she was never going back to the old her and how much happer and healthier and wonderful her life was now.

I've lost 32.9 pounds...not much difference right.  And nothing about my appearance has changed. I was sitting here staring at her before and after pic and it hit me. I know what has been bothering me so badly this past few weeks...

I'm ALL IN...8 weeks down but it feels like a lifetime. I am NOT the same person I was 8 weeks ago. I FEEL like the new me, stuck in the old me body. Does that make any sense? I have the energy to go and go and go, but this stupid body won't let me. MANY days my feet give up on me way before my mind and the rest of me is ready to stop. I don't know that I've ever felt this way before. My first successful weightloss was 6 years ago. I know my body has changed since then. I went from doing this in my 20's to doing it in my mid-30's (wow I'm getting old). I feel this sense of urgency. I know that having the weight on me has always been super bad but I felt helpless and I surrounded myself with why I was overweight, rather than finding ways to make it better. Being overweight is hard on your body and bad on your organs. But I'm not just overweight, no, I'm super obese. I'm in the largest size of clothing sold in most Plus Size sections of any store. So my weight isn't just "bad for me", it's a freaking train wreck. I know that. I don't know why I haven't made this happen and got it all off sooner.....I don't know why I allowed those 77 pounds I lost 6 years ago to come back with 20 extra. I don't know why I allowed those 70 pounds I lost last year to come back either. What I do know, is that I canNOT keep doing this. I can't keep starting over, I can't keep failing. I can't keep letting my happiness be dictated by what I'm going to get to eat next. I can't keep making excuses for why I make bad decisions that inevetibly make my life-span shorter and shorter.

I'm there. My mind is where it's supposed to catch up already. I laid in my bed looking at my wide open closet this morning. Looking at all of the 26/28 clothing I've acquired over the years. Some of them are brand new, some are 4 or 5 years old or even older. I've been in a size 26/28 for years. Sometimes they fit losely, sometimes I look like a can of busted biscuits in them, but that has been my primary size of clothing for at least 7 or 8 years. Maybe longer. And the only way I can wear that size in pants is if they are strechy. I have a pair of 28 jeans I got into last year. But I feel soooo weird in jeans. I haven't worn them regularly since my early 20's. I wonder, when I lose the weight if I will like wearing them? They feel so weird to me. Like I can't move in them. Maybe I'll just wear yoga pants and leggings forever. Haha. They make me happy.

Sorry if this one was annoying, I just had some random thoughts that I had to put out there so my brain would stop spinning and repeating the same things over and over. It seems like, once I get it all written down, I work through my thoughts and I feel better about it. Yes, I'm aware that I'm super weird. Lol


Saturday, November 18, 2017

November 18th, 2017:Week 8 Weigh-in

Well the Weightloss Challenge is over. 8 weeks of my re-focused journey is complete. I ended up losing 2.8 pounds this week, which put me at 32.8 pounds lost. I should be totally happy about that, but I walked 7 miles this week. SEVEN! That is a personal record for me. I really felt like I pushed myself super hard, and my eating was perfect this week. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I'm losing. I just feel lke I'm putting in enough effort to lose more...maybe I'm greedy. Lol.

So what's next? I'm still actively doing the Diet Bets through the App. And I have a week before the 4 week Christmas Challenge starts. And THEN my sister and I are hosting our own Challenge, which I'll do along with a weightloss challenge I'm doing with these ladies I've been with. I got 9th place in this one. I was one of 19 women out of 70 that completed every single workout challenge. I didn't win anything, and neither did my sis, but I really feel like it kept me on track and helped push me, when I might have slipped up.

My next goal is to try to start being more active.  The weight came off a lot faster when I was going to the Y and doing a ton of Zumba. I don't have time for all of that these days, but I am going to try to do more cardio other than walking.

Thanks for tuning in! I'm ready for Thanksgiving! I get 5 days off from work and I am hoping to get my house all ready for Christmas decorations.


Friday, November 17, 2017

November 17th, 2017: New Life, New ways...

Seriously, this way of living is a totally new way of life. No joke. When I did low calories, I could eat out just about anywhere, and just order healthier smaller portions. And I would think Keto would be the same, but I got a rude awakening. I went to eat lunch with my momma and granny for my mom's birthday. I was a little concerned, because I knew we were going to a small cafe, and those places like their breading! Lol. Well I get there and I had already decided I was going to try for some Grilled chicken and a side salad. Sounds easy enough, right? Nope. They had ZERO chicken that wasn't breaded. I KNOW my commitment to the way of eating is at 100%, because, in the past, I would have just said, well a little breading on the chicken won't hurt. But today, nope. I held my head up and I enjoyed a nice visit with my family while they ate the carbs (mom had a salad with ham in it, I opted out because that pre-diced ham has added sugars) and I had a me a tasty glass of water. LOL. And then I came back to work and warmed up my Stir-Fry that I meal-prepped on Sunday for the whole week. Woohoo! So now my tummy is nice and full, and I have zero guilt. That's the way to live!

Tomorrow is the final weigh-in for the competition. I am not going to win. NOT because I didn't give it all of my effort, but because there's no way I could lose 15 pounds this week to catch up to the girl in the lead. The fact that I'm in the Top 10 of so many people with me having PCOS makes me pretty dang proud anyways. And I had to get 10,000 steps 6 days this week to complete the last workout challenge, so now I'm in the running to win a sweet $250 prize. Woohoo!

I'm feeling good! I'm feeling strong and accomplished! And because I feel like being in this competition has caused me to veer away from some bad decisions, I joined their next one! It starts the day after Thanksgiving and runs 4 weeks up to the Saturday before Christmas. I really think it will help me to stay accountable during one of the toughest times of the year to behave!

I'll check in with you soon with my Week #8 Results!


Wednesday, November 15, 2017

November 15th, 2017: Week 7 Results & in my Feels

Ok I admit it. I think about blogging more than I actually do. Haha. But it's important to me to check in weekly, because it helps me document my progress to come back to later. Especially if I get to feel deflated. So far, so good y'all! I'm definitely NOT going to be winning this weightloss competition I'm in. I'm not sure what those girls at the top are doing, but it has to be magic. The ones at the top weigh less than 170 pounds and have been dropping 3-5 consistently. It's insane. But the great thing about it is that it keeps me accountable and helps to motivate me, and at the end of the day, that's what is the most important to me.

So this wasn't a big lose week. I lost a pound and a half. Still a loss and I'm not sad about it. Anything less than the week before is progress, and that's what I want. I had a rough start to the week. The Week 6 weigh-in was 357, then Saturday or Sunday night I had a dream about the best cheat meal ever. A yummy burger with a thick butter bun, cheese curds, curly fries and a large strawberry shake. It was magical. And apparently that dream was way too vivid. Because I woke up the next  morning and I had gained THREE pounds. And it took me all week to get those little bastards back off! Last week I had to walk 6 miles for the Workout Challenge and I walked my booty off. I felt like I should be losing 50 pounds, but nope. I had to get that 3 back off and I was super happy with the pound and a half extra after such a crazy week! No more dreams! Lol. They ruin my life!

So Week 7 official weigh-in was 355.4 Officially 30 pounds gone in less that 2 months! That's good stuff right there! My crazy sister lost 8 and a half pounds this week! Lol, way to make me look bad bro! haha. I'm really proud of her though. We are both so invested in this. I truly hope this is our time to shine. We have worked so hard to break bad habits and misconceptions and it's really a journey. I feel like our failures have only made us stronger in this. I stalk all the big losers on Instagram, and seriously, I just imagine what it would be like. People get HAWT when they lose all that weight too! I want to release my inner sexy mamasita! LOL Obviously that is NOT where my focus is, I just had to throw that out there. I'm so much more concerned with being able to do the things all the other people I know get to do. Go into a theater and not be worried about the seats being so small that I'm in physical pain. Being able to buy normal patio furniture on sale just because it's cute. I can't do that now because 95% of the patio furniture has arms on the chairs that cause me to not be able to sit in them. How ridiculous is that?! I'm soooooo ready for all of that to be a distant memory. There are many more things I could share like this. But you know what I mean. Life is just not the same when you are bigger than 95% (or more) of the people in your town/community. It's so sad that when I go to an event that has a lot of people, I look to see if there's anyone as big as me. Just so I'm not the only one. It sucks. And I'm DONE with it.

I've found myself holding back from a lot of things more recently. I'm just so tired of having to search out the chair without arms, or not be able to participate because I'm too fat or, just simply feeling uncomfortable because everyone around me is a size 2-14 ish and I'm busting out of my 26/28 clothes. It's exhausting. And I'm over it. And I'm a social butterfly, so I hate to sit at home and miss out too.

Ok I'm done being a titty baby. I love you guys! Thank you so much for your support.


Wednesday, November 8, 2017

November 8th, 2017: Week 6 results

Well ok, I know it's Wednesday and I do my weigh-ins on Saturdays. But in all honesty, I've always been super obsessive about this blog while trying to lose weight and I promised myself that I wouldn't get to that point again.

So I had my 6 week weigh-in on Saturday. I lost 5 pounds. Woohoo! And on the week of Halloween no less! That's good stuff right there! I love that I am headed in the right direction. I want it to be faster, but I trust the process. I don't always trust my approach to the process, haha. But I do know that I'm doing the right things to get me to a healthy weight and life. Really, that's all that matters. I doubt what I'm doing ALL. THE. TIME. But, I'm doing it. And 28 pounds in 6 weeks is success.

Today while talking to my sis, I set my first big goal. I want to reach 299 by my Anniversary. That is February 15th and that is 58 pounds in approximately 3 months. That's a BIG goal, but I'm gonna work it!

I've been walking for the Challenge in the weightloss group I'm in. I know it's good for me, and I really need to keep it up, because my feet are soooo tender these days. I did a half mile on the treadmill yesterday and seriously had a blister start to come up. I had walked a half mile on my lunch too, but really....half a mile....that's not that far. I left the gym and I was so frustrated. My body wasn't physically was my stupid feet! So I had a moment where I made myself proud. I drove over to the park and did another half mile. It was chilly (which is why I chose the gym) but I love walking outside or on a track of some kind way more than the treadmill. I feel like I work twice as hard on the treadmill and I really do hate it. I love the ellipticals and the arc trainers, but no treadmill. Yuck! Lol.

I'm supposed to walk 6 miles by Friday night. And I'm 3.5 miles in. I should be further, but I was soooo sick earlier this week. I'm still sick, but starting to feel a little bit better. I'm determined to get those miles in. Not just for the competition, but for me. I'm acutally starting to see small changes like putting on my shoes is easier and getting stuff I dropped in the floor isn't a breath holding marathon anymore! I love it! I crave normalcy. Even though I hear it's a myth, I just want a new, healthier normal. You know?

I'm gonna keep pushing. Thanks for tuning in.


Monday, October 30, 2017

October 30th, 2017: No Rewards

So I have this crazy mentality that if I have a good week and lose some weight, well I deserve a reward! And of course, in my brain, that means chocolate. I told myself Friday night that if I lost at least 2 pounds on Saturday, I deserved a Mini Snickers. I had it sitting out on my table from filling Halloween Trick or Treat bags and everything! I went and weighed in, and holy DANG I lost 4 pounds....oh yea...I'm getting that snickers. I went in the kitchen and I looked at it.

Is it really worth it? Hmm

So I decided to think about it. What if that tiny Snickers kicks me out of ketosis and sets me back? What if it causes me to stall out again? Do I want it more than I want to lose weight?

I'm proud to say, I overcame that little indecent. that snickers is still sitting on my table. It was SUPER hard to leave it there, but doing so...I think it made me stronger! I CAN stop myself. Without anyone's help at all. I hold the power to make the good changes.

I can be successful and not reward myself with food. I see it all the time that it's the worst kind of sabotage for weightloss. I love setting goals with non-food rewards though. Last year, I had a goal to hit 50 pounds lost and I would get a massage. It was GREAT! But I have to get cheaper rewards this time around. Lol.

I'm trying something new this week with my food. We shall see what happens. I realized I was only getting an average of 7-10 grams of Fiber per day. Women should get 20-25. I NEVER get that high. So I made some insanely high Fiber muffins that have 0.6 carbs (oh yea) in them. They aren't amazing, but...they are ok. I think they are kindof dry, so I may try to change up the recipe a bit if this works well for me. Fiber is super important for weightloss and gut health. And I'm all about that!

Halloween is tomorrow! I might need some Atkins M&M's to survive it! Lol! I do plan to make some keto cupcakes to help with any sugar cravings I might have. So we shall see how the day/night goes.

Thanks for tuning in!