Friday, March 23, 2018

6th Month Check In & Progress!!

I know, I know...I haven't been on here in a hot minute. What can I say? I suck at consistency! Lol. It's mostly because it's super hard to make time to blog daily or even weekly. And then also, I get to the point where I feel like nothing much is changing so what am I even going to say?

Well it's been OFFICIALLY 6 months. This is my 3rd weight loss attempt. My first one was in 2012, I made it 4 and a half months and lost 72 pounds. I burnt out. I was in a competition, and as soon as it was over, I had to treat myself, and again and again. I deserved it. I deserved a break. And before I knew it, I was out of control.

Then in 2016, I started it up again. Mid-Jun...I was at my all-time high of 371 pounds and feeling miserable. I had been to my first Cardinals Baseball game and left with bruises on my hips because I couldn't sit in the seats. I was at an all-time low. I put my butt in gear and did what I do best. I put 100% of my efforts in to losing weight. I found the Diet-Bet App, and it was just what I needed to get that extra push to stay on track. 5 months later, I had lost 73 pounds. I had bought our first home with my husband, I had a million things to do with the move, and making it my own and all of that, and I lost it. I did ok maintaining up to Christmas, and then in 2-3 months or so I packed it all back on with a vengeance and a LOT of Reeses Hearts and Reeses Eggs. I mean a LOT.

Fast forward to the end of May. My sister decides she's going to try the Keto diet. sounds scary. But interesting. I start listening to what she's doing and learning a LOT about carbs that I didn't know, and every day I start the day saying, "Ok, I've got to stop eating like crap, let me not worry about a special diet, let me just worry about not eating all the garbage and just do better and then I can ease back in"...months go sister is LOSING, and I'm bitter. Every day is a struggle. Every day I beat myself up. Every day I give up. Tomorrow is a new day.

Fast forward again to Thursday, September 21st, 2017. OB/GYN appointmnet. Doc comes in and says, "Honor, you've gained over 70 pounds since you came in last year, what the hell happened?"

Ouch. That hurt.

He said, "I thought you wanted to have a baby?" Oh...I don't know doc. I'm getting older now, and I just feel like it's not in the cards for me. He says, "You're are not too old, stop using that as an excuse. And it doesn't matter, you can't just gain 70 pounds in a year. You're killing your body and confusing the hell out of it" (Yes, this is how my doc talks to me. And I Love it! Honesty, even if it's brutal, lol) He listened to me. He let me cry about my own frustrations and stressors and straight up titty baby excuses. I left that office in tears, and ashamed of myself. But with a resolve to make a change. 2 days later I did an outdoor session for some friends of mine. At a big park in Jackson. It was a million degrees outside and I seriously may have had a heat stroke that day. I had the worst migraine for the rest of the day and I was straight up miserable. I KNEW that was it. I didn't eat anything until lunch that day. I was at Olive Garden with those same friends and my cousin. I ate normally for lunch. I went home and I cried myself to sleep. I slept half of the afternoon. And I woke up on a mission. I found out about a weightloss challenge that started that same day on Facebook and it was after the cut off to get into it. I messaged the person running it and she agreed to let me join. I was in! It was a new beginning! I was ready to go. Saturday, September 23rd, 2017...attempt #3 had begun. Except this time is wasn't an attempt. This time, I KNEW I was going to do it differently. My focus was NOT going to be to spend hours a day, every day in the gym to lose as much as I could as fast as I could. Even though, that is a great feeling, I knew I could burn out again. This time I was making LIFESTYLE changes. LifeLONG changes. This time was going to be different.

And so far it has been completely different. I never made it past the 5 months mark...this is 6 months. Not much longer, but an accomplishment nevertheless. I did strict Keto the first 5 months and the last month or so, I've moved over to a more Low-Carb lifestyle with less restrictions and a little more freedom with my diet. I feel AMAZING. Yea, my muscles still hurt, but that's how I know I'm still doing things to push my body.

So the final results for 6 months are a 63 pound loss, and 33 inches gone! I'm super excited to see where the next 6 months take me. I remember the first mile I walked in September. I walked on my lunch break and I felt like my body was revolting. I had chafed thighs and blisters when I was done. I remember almost crying while I was walking because it took everything in me to keep going. Yesterday, I walked to the end of our road here at work. It ended up being 2.34 miles. I started my walk with blisters on my feet, so needless to say, I was hurting when I got back. BUT, I was not out of breath and feeling defeated. Nope, I was VICTORIOUS! I'm well on my way to being able to walk a 5k! And I'm SOOOO happy!!

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

December 12th, 2017: Week 11 Weigh-in

I did my weigh-in Saturday morning! I've just been insanely busy since then, haha. I told my cousin, I think if I had every day off from now through Christmas, I still wouldn't get everything done that I'd like to. And then every night I go home from work thinking of all the things I'm going to get done and then, nada, nope. Hardly anything accomplished. Lol. I have way more energy now than I used to, so I do get more done. I'm just not being very productive with my time!

Ok on to the weigh-in. This week, I hopped on the scale, and she was being my friend. Lol. 343...43 pounds down. I'm already looking forward to getting over that 50 pound hump. I just have to keep chugging along. No matter how slowly it feels. Lol.

I keep comparing this time with last rime and wondering if I'm doing what's best for me. And then I remember that I'm not just doing Keto for weightloss. This way of eating is also really great for PCOS, and I want to get that under control too!

I've been having LOTS of emotions this week. I don't know if it's the holidays, or people being pregnant and having babies that are closer to me, or just me being hormonal, but I went and broke down on one of my besties this week, and my boss (who is also a friend) and my cousin's husnbad who is also my co-worker and friend got to share some of my sappiness too! Haha, I don't think he was too fond of that. :D I'm just dealing with a lot of guilt from previous failed attempts at weightloss. If I had been successful 6 years ago when I started, I could have possibly had a baby by now. I control that. Not the having the baby part, but the getting my body ready to be ABLE to do so. That's 100% in my control and no one else's. And I go through these little mind tricks where I say to myself, I'm already 34, I can share happiness and steal other people's kids when I need my kid-fix, and then I'll be fine. Nope, it's not fine. It will be, if that's what is in the cards, but giving up hope is just not where I'm at right now. I have tried to. Really hard. I feel like it will make it hurt less. But times like these make me really realize how bad the yearning is still there.

Sorry I know I'm rambling. My brain is going in a million directions right now. I'm just trying really hard to stay focused on WHY I need to stay on track and keep that number going down. I get a little cracked up when I see posts that say "Don't focus on the scale" "The scale doesn't matter" I couldn't disagree more. Especially if you are over 100 pounds or so overweight. The scale matters soooo much! Maybe not daily or even weekly, but if you are not dropping weight, then you are doing something wrong. Period. Losing weight really isn't rocket science. The part about what you have to do. It's the motivation and staying strong through cravings that does most people in. And that doesn't go away. Even when I lost 72 pounds, I was still having cravings. Well that's what did me in really. I gave in to too many and it just all spiraled out of control.

My friend Olivia pointed something cool out to be the other day. I am now below what my starting weight was 6 years ago. I hate that I added that much extra, but it is what it is. I'm going the right direction now and that's all that matters. :)

Have a great day y'all! Talk soon.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

December 7th, 2017: Happy Blog-A-versary!

Haha weird title today, I know, but it's my 6 year Blog-A-Versary!! I started my Blog 6 years ago yesterday actually. I have spent some time the past two days thinking about how differently my life might have gone if I had kept up with my journey back then. Obviously it doesn't really matter because I can't change a thing about the past. On to the present and future! That's what truly matters. And I'm super excited about it! I'm still going strong. My motivation is in check, and my weight is moving down all the time. Woohoo!

I have some huge goals to reach in the next few weeks! Most importantly because my dollas are on the line. Haha. I started a couple of Diet Bets right before Thanksgiving, and I was having a GREAT day and weighed-in in the morning (I usually do those at night), so I have a week to hit another 5 or 6 pound loss and then 4 days to lose 3 more. Lol. What have I done!? This week has been going great though. It's my . week and I'm still seeing the scale drop. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that, so far, I've done two 24 hour fasts! Lol. I never, ever would have thought I could do that! But it was actually quite easy. Most likely, the reason why it was so easy is because my body is fat-adapted now so it's using up my fat storage for energy and helping me lose more weight.

I'm excited to see where the next few months bring me on my journey. I'm also curious how long it will take me to hit the 100 pounds lost mark. I'm ready to be there!

Make healthy choices! Talk to you later.


Sunday, December 3, 2017

December 3rd, 2017: Week 10 Weigh-in

So yesterday was the 1st weigh-in for the challenge I'm in (with my friend, Olivia) on facebook. My initial weigh-in for them last week was right after having a really crappy day, laying on the couch most of the day and eating over my calories and carbs a bit, as well as being super bloated and swollen. I weighed in at 360, which was up about 6 pounds or so from the previous week. This week, I got those 6 off and few more, and weighed in at 353. I'm fluctuating lower than that too, but for the official weigh-in on Saturday, that's what I turned in. We shall see what this week holds. I THINK I found something that has been slowing my progress a bit. I've read quite a few keto-ers are getting stalled by eating to many almonds and other keto approved nuts. What the crap?! I eat almonds almost every day. Sometimes two servings. And some days I eat Macadamia nuts too! Lol....sooo....I'm going to cut back on them and see what happens. I'm a tiny bit sad about it, because they are a super easy grab and go snack and super convenient for work. But, we have to do what works!

Breakfast was weird last week because I made some broccoli and cheese egg muffins. I suffered through them for two days, and that was it. They had a super strange taste and I couldn't do it. So I ended up eating bacon, cheese and almonds for breakfast the rest of the week. Whatever works! Tonight I made up some Cinnamon Pumpkin Fiber Muffins for breakfasts. I LOVE them. And the recipe makes 16 of them, so that gives me Breakfast for 8 days. Boom! I learned my lesson the hard way though. I'll have to freeze half of them, and hope they don't taste too weird. Because they get moldy after about day 5, and that breaks my heart! Lol.

Y'all have a GREAT week! I'm definitely going to be walking my fanny off and eating right! What are you gonna do?


Thursday, November 30, 2017

November 30th, 2017: Still trucking along

I'm still here. Still doing my thang. I'm not seeing the scale move right now, so I find it harder to motivate myself to blog during those times. Last Saturday I was insanely swollen and bloated. I was sick the day before. I did my weigh-in for the 4 Week Challenge Saturday morning and the scale was at 360. It's better now, but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. This whole up and down business is new to me. It's with the Keto Diet. I hit 10 weeks this Saturday, and at this point last year, I had lost 45 pounds. I'm NOT there and it's frustrating. But, last time I had to work out at least an hour per day 5-6 days per week to get those results, and I'm not far behind that with barely walking and no actual workouts hardly at all. So that's a big deal to me. I don't have the time to commit all of that to the gym right now. Maybe once I get some more of this weight off and have more energy and am getting things done fast, maybe then. But right now, this is working just fine.

I've been perfect on my diet. I'm super proud of that. I've been in a bit of a slump iwth walking and extra activity. I've been using up my time and energy on decorating for Christmas, cooking almost everything from scratch, and taking/editing pictures. I'm having a hard time working it all in, but I'm making it work.

Keep on moving!

Monday, November 20, 2017

November 20th, 2017: Progess

Ok so this morning I had to weigh-in for one of my Diet Bets and I had to be at 351.4, I was 353 point something Saturday, so I was really worried I wouldn't get this one. I could weigh in today or tomorrow, so my plan was if I didn't make it today, I'd live on Chicken broth all day and hope for the best tomorrow. Haha. I got on the scale and to my amazement it said 350.4! That's another 3 pounds in 2 days! Ok, so I'll probably bounce back up. But today, it felt super good. 35 pounds down baby.

So when you weigh in for these challenges, you have to take a pic of the scale with a secret word (so they know it's your weight from today) and then a full body pic of you on your scale. The great think about this, is that it gives me great comparison shots.

So I am happy to see a change! Anyone who read my blog yesterday knows how I was feeling, so seeing a visable change was just what I needed! Now I feel ready to take on Thanksgiving week and smash it! 

I may have to walk 10 miles on Thanksgiving....maybe I'll just walk home from SIkeston :D Haha....ok I'm just kidding. I have already alotted myself 40 carbs on Thanksgiving (I usually do 20), so I'm ready to go! I'm NOT ready for the jedgement from my family...but I will deal. I keep thinking, I should have started sooner, because now, I won't look different from the last time I saw them and Christmas is so soon after, that I will still look the same. But come Easter time...folks are gonna take notice. Oh yea! Lol

Goodnight y'all. I'm gonna hang out with my sick baby nephew and put away laundry, while Jamie goes and gets some of our Christmas decorations. :) :)

Sunday, November 19, 2017

November 19th, 2017: Before the Success

So as I'm sitting here scrolling the brain starts spinning. I've figured out why this stage in weightloss is so complicated for me.

In the beginning you're all new and fresh and ready to go. You suck at every part of the weightloss thing because it's new and you are having to struggle to find recipies and it takes forever because it's all new. The exercise is the same. My first mile, I thought I was going to DIE, I hurt all over, my heartrate got into the upper 170's easy and I couldn't breath and thought I needed to stop and my feet were on fire! Now I'm not about to say that walking a mile is a breeze for me now. It's not. My feet still hurt. But it doesn't feel like a life or death thing anymore. lol. I walked 7.5 miles last week! That is just insane to me. I've never walked that many miles in a week that I can remember. '

Ok so back to the point. I was strolling through of my favorite things to do these days. I have shown Instagram that I'm super interested in accounts that feature keto lifestyles and extreme weightloss. And as I'm scrolling through, I get stuck on this one girl. She's lost 40 something pounds. She is only 5 foot 2, but her starting weight was just under 200...that's a huge difference from me (SW386.4), so those 40 something pounds have transformed her life. She was talking about how that before pic was the old her and she was never going back to the old her and how much happer and healthier and wonderful her life was now.

I've lost 32.9 pounds...not much difference right.  And nothing about my appearance has changed. I was sitting here staring at her before and after pic and it hit me. I know what has been bothering me so badly this past few weeks...

I'm ALL IN...8 weeks down but it feels like a lifetime. I am NOT the same person I was 8 weeks ago. I FEEL like the new me, stuck in the old me body. Does that make any sense? I have the energy to go and go and go, but this stupid body won't let me. MANY days my feet give up on me way before my mind and the rest of me is ready to stop. I don't know that I've ever felt this way before. My first successful weightloss was 6 years ago. I know my body has changed since then. I went from doing this in my 20's to doing it in my mid-30's (wow I'm getting old). I feel this sense of urgency. I know that having the weight on me has always been super bad but I felt helpless and I surrounded myself with why I was overweight, rather than finding ways to make it better. Being overweight is hard on your body and bad on your organs. But I'm not just overweight, no, I'm super obese. I'm in the largest size of clothing sold in most Plus Size sections of any store. So my weight isn't just "bad for me", it's a freaking train wreck. I know that. I don't know why I haven't made this happen and got it all off sooner.....I don't know why I allowed those 77 pounds I lost 6 years ago to come back with 20 extra. I don't know why I allowed those 70 pounds I lost last year to come back either. What I do know, is that I canNOT keep doing this. I can't keep starting over, I can't keep failing. I can't keep letting my happiness be dictated by what I'm going to get to eat next. I can't keep making excuses for why I make bad decisions that inevetibly make my life-span shorter and shorter.

I'm there. My mind is where it's supposed to catch up already. I laid in my bed looking at my wide open closet this morning. Looking at all of the 26/28 clothing I've acquired over the years. Some of them are brand new, some are 4 or 5 years old or even older. I've been in a size 26/28 for years. Sometimes they fit losely, sometimes I look like a can of busted biscuits in them, but that has been my primary size of clothing for at least 7 or 8 years. Maybe longer. And the only way I can wear that size in pants is if they are strechy. I have a pair of 28 jeans I got into last year. But I feel soooo weird in jeans. I haven't worn them regularly since my early 20's. I wonder, when I lose the weight if I will like wearing them? They feel so weird to me. Like I can't move in them. Maybe I'll just wear yoga pants and leggings forever. Haha. They make me happy.

Sorry if this one was annoying, I just had some random thoughts that I had to put out there so my brain would stop spinning and repeating the same things over and over. It seems like, once I get it all written down, I work through my thoughts and I feel better about it. Yes, I'm aware that I'm super weird. Lol