Saturday, December 31, 2011

Day 33 & 34: Busy Busy!

Oops, I missed a day! I have been pretty busy with being sick and trying to finish a wedding cake. I have my sleeping schedule all out of whack from being on vacation and I really wanted to try to keep from doing that!

Today is the last day of 2011. I can't believe a year has already gone by. Before the start of the challenge, I had two previous failed weight-loss attempts. I think I lost 12 one of those times and can't even remember if I lost anything at all the other time. Pitiful. But this time has been a whirlwind of change. I truly believe that I am on the path of success this time and I'm really excited about it!

Have a Happy New Year! I will write more tomorrow....
<3 Honor

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Day 32: A new frame of mind

Everybody gets sick. Everybody has days when they don't feel like doing anything at all and just curl up on the couch and don't do anything at all...and today was that day for me. I feel like I have a ton of bricks in my pants holding me down and keeping me from being successful! I pulled up to the gym tonight and just sat there... I just couldn't muster up the will-power to go in. All I could think about was everything I would rather be doing. And eating something absolutely terrible for me was at the top of my list.

This has been the hardest day so far, and I did something I absolutely should not have done. I gave in to one of my triggers and went to eat Mexican with my husband. And because it was a spur of the moment thing, he took forever to meet me so I sat there, feeling sorry for myself, and ate way to many chips with salsa. I was utterly ashamed of myself. And even as I was eating I knew exactly what I was doing, and yet I continued to eat chip after chip. My only redeeming quality was that I broke the chips into smaller pieces so that I didn't eat as much, and what I eat at a Mexican place actually isn't crazy high in calories, but it's white rice instead of brown and that cheese sauce! So my dinner ended up being around 660 calories if I calculated properly. I did not go over my calorie goal, but I still feel like dirt. I shouldn't have given in. And the last week and a half or so has seemed like I throw in a little something (like cake) that fits into my calorie goal, but I know I shouldn't be eating. Or going out to eat. Eating out isn't a big deal for most people, but for me, it's a trigger. I almost feel like I'm losing control over my decisions a little bit at a time. Which is why I am writing all of this instead of keeping it to myself. I almost feel that once I've put it down in my blog...it's done. And now I have to do better...and I can!

So as I am writing this I am feeling better. Much better than at the beginning of today's blog. I was near tears and feeling defeated. And now, just a half of an hour later, and a few words later...I'm feeling empowered and I'm going to head to the gym to do a workout on my own. Maybe that''s what I needed in the first place, instead of a group workout. I just think that tonight, I would have made any excuse to do something else, because that was the mindset I was in.

Thanks for reading and encouraging me!
<3 Honor

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Day 31: Sickness is coming!

Today has been a rough day. I'm pretty sure I'm fixing to be dealing with a cold and I'm NOT excited about it! I work up with a sore throat and feeling achy so I know this week is going to be super tough...

As far as food goes, I had a great day! I made while wheat waffles for breakfast with sugar free syrup and had a big salad for lunch. I ended up having quite a few calories left at dinner time, so me and my hubby had dinner at Subway.

My workout today was really good! We did some circuit training and then of course I had my Zumba. :-) I'm really a little freaked out about my workouts after my vacation. I have been getting off around 5 every day and now I'm going to be working until 7. So no Zumba on the days I work. :( plus that will cut in to my personal training and my other workouts. So I'm going to have to regroup and figure something out:( boo!

Thanks for reading friends! I have a cake to work on that I have to have ready on Saturday.

<3 Honor

Special Edition: Pictures of my Smart Food Choices & Calorie Counting

This is a beef eye of round steak, with green beans and a small baked potato with Salsa (a yummy low-cal alternative) and the whole dinner was 480 calories!

 This is Chicken Tenderloin on brown rice (I cool the rice with chicken broth instead of water so tastier) with broccolli, carrots, and sauteed mushrooms. And this whole plate was only 255 calories!!
 These little things are my Hero! Put a little spritz in your water and you have a tasty zero calorie drink.
 This was my home-made pizza fix :) I just put some blended up tomato on the bottom with some seasoning to make it taste like tomato sauce. With cut up Turkey Slices, Mushrooms and fat-free shredded Mozzarella on Joseph's Pitas (I'm not a huge fan of the flavor, but it sure cured my craving) Weighing in at 350 calories
 This stuff has been on almost everything I eat! It has a light buttery flavor and Zero calories, so I use it as a spritz on my brocolli, pan spray for cooking chicken, or shrimp, or beef, or when I pop up a 100 calorie bag of popcorn at night for a snack, I spray this on for a little more flavor. Yummy!
 This is sauteed shrimp with some garlic and herb spice from McCormik, broccoli of course, and a small potato with a half serving of fat free sour cream, and a whole serving of salsa weighing in at 266 calories!
 This is what I like to call my Turkey and Mushroom Scramble! It's really yummy! All it has in it is 3 egg whites, seasoned with Dill Weed (this stuff really makes it tatsy!), and a little bit of garlic powder, and then diced up slices turkey, mushrooms, and fat-free mozzarella cheese. With the broccolli and carrots it's only 296 calories for the whole plate!

This one is one of my favorites, simply because it's a ton of food and VERY low calories! And it's a way for me to get a variety of veggies in a way that I like them, because I'm really picky otherwise. This is an Oriental Stir-Fry (it comes in a BIG bag in the frozen section at Wal-Mart) with 3oz. of boneless skinless tenderloin and a side of baby carrots, and weighs in at only 225 calories!
 This one I am particularly proud of because it's a really delicious spin on something that could be a diet-no no...Taco Salad! The 'shell' is 20 Light Sour Cream Pringles (100 calories), and then there's lean ground beef (4oz) seasoned with some Oregano, Cumin, Chili Powder, and Garlic Powder, so it has a nice 'Taco meat' flavor, and then lettuce, tomatoes, salsa, fat-free sour cream and topped off with some fat-free cheddar cheese. This one weighs in at 361 Calories!
This is a really nice hot tea, that will settle a sweet tooth AND a sore throat! The fat-free coffee mate says a serving is 4tsp. for 50 calories, so I cut that in half and enjoyed a 25 calorie hot tea that was DIVINE!

I hope these ideas give you an idea of some good choices you can make and enjoy! I plan to do this every now and then to share some of the tasty combinations I come up with that are good for ya, but still have some flavor! And I'm no chef, so Anybody can make this stuff!

I track all of my food intake on www.myfitnesspal.com and I use the iPhone app for convenient tracking while I'm at work and even while I'm cooking! (they have a barcode scanner, so I just scan stuff as I put it one my plate) If you are on there send me a friend request to Username: honorwarren

Thank you for Reading!!
<3 Honor

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Day 30: Weigh-In Number 4

It has been a month since the beginning of my journey and I'm still going strong! Nothing about it has been easy, but I am definitely starting to feel better. I feel like my pants are getting a little looser and that's exciting!

So, my starting weight was 350 pounds. And today...after 30 days of making healthier choices and exercising 6 days a week...I have reached my first goal (to lose more than 36 pounds)!!! I weighed in at 310.4 which is a total loss of 39.6 pounds!!!!!! I am SO proud of what I've accomplished and am feeling invincible!

I will be heading to the gym in a short while and I'm pumped up and ready to give it my 100%! Today is one of my long days of exercising. I will warm up on the Arc trainer and then 45 minutes of Ypump and an hour of Zumba. Fun stuff!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Day 29:Bye-Bye Birdie :(

Tomorrow will be one month since the beginning of my journey and I can't wait for my weigh-in!! I am fully expecting to reach my first goal tomorrow and I'm excited to find out!

The time I got to spend with my family over the Christmas weekend was wonderful. I did indulge a bit yesterday and had some Christmas Candy but stayed disciplined and kept under my calorie goal. I had initially given myself a 2500 calorie goal for each day (Christmas Eve and Christmas Dat) , but I actually managed to stay under 2000 each day!! However, I did pay for my decision to indulge yesterday. Because last night I started feeling awful, and ended up losing my dinner! Alrighty then...lesson learned!

One of my best associates ever is leaving me at work and I'm sad about it! I'm actually eating dinner with her now. She has become one of my close friends and I really hate to see her go! But I definitely can't blame her for leaving. Our Regional planned to demote her to part-time after the first of the year and she has done nothing wrong! They just don't want to give out the hours. :( so I'm losing a really good employee! I'm trying really hard not to stress about work while I'm on vacation, but it's my studio, and even though I have to deal with some crazy corporate garbage...I still love the fundamental part of my job. So it's hard to disconnect. But I am trying. :-)

Have a good night everyone!
<3 Honor

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Day 28: Christmas!

Today is Christmas day and it's all about Jesus and spending time with my family. But I still have my goal at heart. I still am on this journey, even though today is a special day. I decided a few days ago that I wouldn't be strict with myself and pay the consequences tomorrow. :-) One day of being naughty does not mean an end to my journey. But...I still managed to do a pretty good job! I did indulge! I had 5 peanut butter Bon bons and two pieces of fudge! BUT...I still had under 2000 calories. :-) that makes me feel Amazing!

For Christmas my hubby got me Zumba for the Wii and I'm really excited to try it out! I'm hoping it will cure my problem with not working out at home! I know there are other things I can do, I just don't.

On a serious note:
I don't think people who have never battle with obesity realize how difficult it is to inhibit this body. Comments like, "move your big butt" or "I'll sit on your lap, you have plenty of room" may not seem hurtful to them, but to me it's a big slap in the face. Yesterday I heard multiple comments of that nature that weren't meant to be hurtful, but maybe I'm just extra sensitive right now, I'm not sure. But it still hurts. I know that I am a big girl. But I'm still a woman with feelings and my emotions seem to be on a roller-coaster as I dig deeper into this journey.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Day 27: Such a proud moment!!

I am so super proud of myself right now!! I just went on My Fitness Pal and calculated my calories from dinner at grandma's house and my grand total was less than 2000! And that's with eating two cupcakes!! I never would have thought I would make it to the end of the day today and be able to say that.

My day actually started off terrible! And I thought oh boy, this is going to get ugly! I overslept and miss all of Ypump and by the time I made it to the y I only catched the last fifteen minutes of Zumba! Then I go to Walmart to pick up a few things and somehow came out with one of those 99¢ bags of Doritos! Ok...see what I mean...it wasn't looking good! But I made it through the day and didn't do to awful shabby despite my own self-destructive pattern! I AM my own worst enemy.

I have been dealing with a lot of the mental part of this journey lately. In fact, that's the hardest part for me. I wish there was just a shut off valve for my brain! That would make my life so much easier! But then, of course, I wouldn't appreciate the journey as much if I didn't have to fight for every single pound!

I have spent the past 27 days...maybe even a little longer than that, setting myself up NOT to fail. I have told any, and every body about my journey. Because I know that people will check up on me. People will see of I don't change. And I couldn't stand the embarrassment after how much "talking" I've done about what I'm I'm to accomplish here. I already feel so much more successful than I've ever felt. An after tomorrow the holidays will be over...the New Year will be here, and 75% of the nation will be on a diet with me for a few months. I know that many people are just setting themselves up for failure by starting a weight-loss venture as a "resolution" but maybe thought my hard work and dedication to this, maybe Incan inspire some of those people to stick it out, an put in the work to make their results life-changing and permanent!

The plan really is so simple. Especially right now... If I hit a plateau, a real honest to goodness, I'm doing everything right, plateau...I have a plan for that too. :)
So the main plan is:
7 days a week, track and eat no more than 1500 calories.
6 days a week, burn some calories in a cardiovascular activity of at least 20 minutes
3 of those 6 days, burn 1500 calories or more

That's it! That's the miracle weight-loss formula...and I promise you....if you stick to that...and have no health issues to hinder the process...you will lose weight. Really! When the weight-loss slows down, then we add more intensity and length to the workout !
After that stops working, then I have two food plans. Number one:drop the daily caloric intake. my doctor has told me that, with eating healthy food, I really can drop down as low as 800 calories a day for a few weeks at a time to busy through a plateau. And I can take my daily 1500 down to 1200 after I survive the plateau breakthrough. :-) see...I've got a plan!!

Thanks for Reading my friends! And Merry Christmas Eve!
<3 Honor

Friday, December 23, 2011

Day 26:Vacation & why is she looking at me!

I am officially on vacation! And I'm terrified… It will definitely be a challenge to make it through the holidays, but also to do well with exercising on my vacation. I actually plan to exercise more on vacation since I won't be active like I am at work.

Okay so something has been bothering me that I wanted to share with you. I hate it when people watch me eat! And over the last few weeks I've noticed a lot of people watching me eat! What's up with people these days? That is just so rude! And of course I'm the one that notices more because it already freaks me out... Last night I got Chinese food with my sister, and while she was in the grocery store I was eating some of my dinner, and this little girl in the car next to us was staring me down like I was was eating one of those 6 foot long subs or something!! I would just peer over at her and give her the evil eye and then go back to my dinner...and lo and behold, when I'd look back she'd be staring me down like a cheesy taco! So I was just wondering if anyone else deals with that weirdness or maybe it's just me. :-)

I did 30 minutes straight on the Arc trainer today and it although I was still tired and very much excited to get done so I could leave and go on about my evening...it was noticeably easier. The first time I went upstairs to the arc trainer, I did 10 minutes, and when I came back downstairs, in seriously thought I might trip down the stairs because my legs felt like jelly! And when I came down tonight...my legs were tired for sure, but they didn't feel like jelly!! And I felt like I had total control over my body!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Day 25: Really? Almost a month?!

In 5 days I will reach my one month mark! I'm actually pretty stoked about it! I have never done this well with a weight loss venture. Something I just realized is that on Day 30 I will get to weigh in! And I'm really hoping to reach my first goal that day!!! I only have to lose 2.5 pounds this week to reach it! That sounds easy...except for the fact that this is Christmas Week!!! But I am confident that I can make it happen!!

Today has been a pretty good day so far...work has gone well and I'm about to be leaving. I'm so superly lee duberly excited because that brings me one day away from my two week vacation!!!! Wooohooo! It sure can't get here soon enough! But I do have lots to get done over the next few days. One thing I have to figure out is how I'm going to navigate Grandma's house on Christmas Eve. I'm thinking of making a few healthy dishes and taking a pre-made salad from home so that I can monitor what I'm eating. The salad has 270 calories, and then I could do a little bit of turkey and dressing and just leave off the gravy. The sweets are the hardest part for me so I haven't decided exactly what I'm going to do with that yet. I was thinking about having just a teeny tiny piece of a few of my favorites and then calling it a night. Yea...I think that's what I'll plan to do. See for me, I need a game plan. I can't just go in blind and 'Wing it' or I'll screw up.

Yesterday I went to dinner with my family with 1100 calories to play with. I had a 3-course meal and gave my included dessert to my daddy. I figured a guesstimation of the calories, while guessing high, and I'm pretty sure I stayed perfectly within my calorie goal. That made me a VERY happy lady, because I felt like I didn't 'cheat' even though I ate some really yummy stuff !

Today is one of my big workout days. 45 minutes at Ypump, and then an hour of Zumba. Whew! I'm tired just thinking about it!!

Thanks for reading my dear friends!
<3 Honor

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Day 24: My Sister's Birthday

Today is my one and only little Sister's birthday. We will go out for dinner as a family and this will be my first celebratory dinner since the beginning of my journey, which will be a nice test for the upcoming Christmas temptations. I know that most people would say that my plan for today is a bad one, but I'm doing what I think is right for me. Which means that I have had under 500 calories so far today. And I did that so that I can enjoy dinner with my family without feeling like I'm going to go over my calories for the day, or go without. That's a smart plan in my brain. :-) I managed to squeeze in 20 minutes of Cardio and I'm good with that for today because I have been a busy bee all day working on finishing the Barbie cake, which came out beautifully! And working on cupcakes to take to my Granny's for Christmas at her house. So I have been on my feet nearly all day.

Everybody thinks I'm crazy for making sweets while I'm changing my eating habits and overcoming these food addictions...but I really feel like it helps me stay on track! The smell kindof gets nauseating after a while and then I'm not cravings sweets at all. I LIKE that! Because this girl likes some sweets!

It's time to get ready for dinner! Wish me luck! And thanks for reading!
<3 Honor

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Day 23: Weigh-In number Three

Today has been a MUCH better day than yesterday. Last night I came home from Zumba and made dinner. I set down to watch TV for a bit before I made the rest of the cakes needed for a Barbie Cake that I'm doing this week and within thirty minutes I had passed out in my chair! So at some point my hubby woke me up and got me to go to bed. I ended up sleeping for 12 hours!! See! I told you I had no problems sleeping! And although I did wake up with a yucky headache from oversleeping, I now feel great! Which is a very good thing, because I have a long day!

I usually weigh-in on Tuesday mornings, but because it's Christmas week I am working today, so it will be this evening when I weigh in. Boo! I'm sad about it, because you always weigh more in the evenings. But I will be checking back in this evening to share my results!

The results are in...and I lost 2.5 pounds this week... I don't like hearing that nearly as well as saying that in 23 days, I have lost 34.5 pounds!!!! THAT is something I'm super excited about!! Only 2.5 pounds away from reaching my first goal (to lose 37 pounds). I know that goal will be met soon!! AND, my trainer measured me today and I lost 2.5 inches from my hips, and an inch off of my waist! So that's hard-clad proof that my body is changing! Slowly....but it's changing! I also lost an inch from each arm, which was really exciting, because I HATE my fat arms and my 'bye-bye's' (that's the under arm flab that waves bye bye when you raise your arm to wave bye bye. Lol!

I have done an hour and forty five minutes of cardio today and I'm heading into the fitness room to do 15 on the elipticle to round me off to 3 hours.

Have a good night and thanks for reading friends!

<3 Honor

Monday, December 19, 2011

Day 22: STAY OFF THE SCALE!!

Ok so I will recant my statement from a few days ago...the scale is only a motivational tool as long as it says what you expect. If it consistently does not show positive change over the course of a few days, then it becomes a problem. I don't quite know what is going on at the moment, but that darn scale just won't go down this week and nothing on my part has changed, so I know it is ok. My trainer says that at some points your weight-loss can slow down for a week or so while you build muscle and although you don't see it in the scale this time...the weight will still come off. I can work with that...so I just have to keep motivated and have positive thoughts about this and I will make it through. This has always been a hinging point for me on any weight-loss attempt. When the scale stops moving I give up! Simple as that. But I will NOT let my body conquer me this time!

I have been struggling with this all week. It's easy to stay motivated and in control when you see the awesome results I did in the first few weeks. But when things slow down, that's when the real test begins. And that's when you listen to your skinny self that's hidden under all of that fat saying, "Come on juicy booty! We've GOT this!" ...alright skinny girl...

Every time I get a vacation, the week before it I get very edgy and a little moody. I haven't had a good vacation since after Christmas last year and I usually have a good couple of weeks in the summer. But not this year, we spent it in the hospital with my dad. My job can be very stressful, much more than most people think. So vacation time is critical!

Thanks for reading friends!
<3 Honor

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Day 21: O.C.D. And B.M.R.s Oh My!

It's hard for me to do ANYTHING and actually stick with it for an extended amount of time. I'm that person who starts lots of projects, but hardly ever finishes them. So that is really strange considering the fact that I have O.C.D.

A lot of people think that O.C.D. means obsessive cleaning disorder...or just someone who repeats things. Well it's actually obsessive Compulsive disorder and those two things are some common traits, but not the only one traits someone with the disorder might deal with. I personally deal with things like being terrified of natural disasters, and trains...well the hobo that could be on the train actually. The doors and windows HAVE to be locked, sometimes I'll get up in the middle of the night just to check. And I have this thing about "everything has a place it belongs" sometimes I'm really obsessive about it, and sometimes it's not as bad. It depends on how emotionally stressed my body and mind is. So I'm actually hoping that maybe I'll get just a little obsessed with working out...that would be nice...

We have SOOOO much going on this week! I am really excited about Christmas coming up because my vacation starts Christmas Eve and I'm off until a week after New Years. I already have lots of plans for those two weeks:-)

So one of my bigger challenges in this journey is not eating out. I would normally eat out for lunch every day while at work and then eat out two or three times a week for dinner. Now, it's Subway or home. That's a huge adjustment. I know that I had a huge problem with my eating out, but I really think that was another part of my O.C.D. When I go to a restaurant, I have my one favorite thing that I order every single time I go to that restaurant. It's a little weird, I know. Lol. But I could seriously name off every restaurant that I enjoy eating at and then tell you exactly what I would order. Ok, yea it's dinner time...so all of my favorites are fresh on my brain and sounding yummy!! Not to mention that my husband asked me TWICE to go out to eat tonight! What is the man trying to DO to me. I was a good girl though, and politely declined...ok not so polite the second time. You see, eating out is actually a trigger for me...so I have to stay away at ALL cost! And I can do that! This Wednesday is my sister's birthday and we will be going out to celebrate...I know that I can be good, I was good at Applebee's last week...so I'm confident that I can handle it.

This week I am pretty sure my weight-loss is going to be significantly less than it has been, but that's ok. Because I have put in the work, I haven't cheated a single time, and I'm building the muscle my body needs to fight the fat. If I even lose 1 pound I'll be happy with it, because I know that the number is going down and not every week will be such a small nber. 3500 calories burned is one pound and I have burned over 5500 this week on top of the fact that my BMR (Basil Metabolic Rate), which is the amount of calories my body would burn if I did absolutely nothing and stayed in bed all day, is 2200. So if I'm eating 1500 calories or less a day that's a 700 calorie dividend plus whatever regular activity I do, PLUS working out...see, I know my stuff! Lol!! If I did just that every week, I should lose three pounds or more a week. But I'm doing MORE! So it's going to go down folks! It just HAS to!!

Thank you so much for your support in my journey! And if any of you have started weight-loss journeys of your own, like my good friend, Olivia, then good for you!! She lost 6 pounds this week!!

Thanks for reading my friends!
<3 Honor

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Day 20: 1 More Day?

I woke up with a terrible migraine this morning so I missed my workout! I really wish the Y had longer hours on Saturdays. So I worked all day long, and now I'm babysitting. I definitely want to get at least a small workout in tonight, but I'm wondering if I'll get to. I think that is definitely one of the hard parts of weight-loss...fitting everything into your schedule.

I love how I am starting to feel a sense of comfort with my new life style. Studies say that it takes 21 days to form a new habit or get rid of an old one. While I feel some comfort in knowing that tomorrow is day 21, I also know that this does not mean its the end of the struggle. But maybe, just maybe, it will get a little easier.

I did REALLY well with my food today. I have found a new love for Special K, Oats and Almonds. It makes a good breakfast that seems to stick with me for the better part of the morning. And then I had my trusty Subway Turkey on Wheat with no cheese for lunch. And for dinner I had a HUGE plate of Chicken stir-fry with baby carrots and it was only 230 calories!! Yum!!!

It has been a long day, so I'm going to keep it short tonight. Thank you for reading dear friends!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Day 19: Scary dreams!

I'm starting to think that I am in a personal fight with my body to lose weight! I've been at this for two and a half weeks and been doing better than I could have ever imagined. But now my body is really starting to kick back from the abuse it has received. My feet are really bothering me (I have plantar fasciitis, which is more commonly known as 'bone spurs' or 'heel spurs') they HURT!! It used to be only one foot, but now it's both. And the saddest part is that the best thing I can do for them is to lose weight. Well thank ya very much! I'm on that!!

Ok, so I am a person who either rarely dreams, or I just can't remember them. Last night I had a dream and actually remembered it and you know what it was about? I dreamt that I had a dislocated elbow from doing the planks and push-ups! Ha!! My brain is even trying to trick me! The funny thing was that the dream was so convincing that I woke up rubbing my arm and thinking for a minute that maybe it really was hurt!

Today was a long day, but managed to survive it! I'm exhausted and feel like I could sleep for a day straight! You always hear of overweight people having trouble sleeping...NOT ME! I could sleep for twelve hours straight!

Have a good night friends!
<3 Honor

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Day 18: Food Addiction

I keep waiting or this day when I wake up a magically don't have any cravings! Ok so reality is...that's NOT going to happen. It's just not. I do believe that it will get easier in time, but it's a slow going process...

Food addiction is like other addictions in many ways. For example, you have cravings, you have urges, and you have withdrawals. But it is also TOTALLY different from other addictions. Imagine a crack addict who is trying to quit. She gets as far away from crack as possible and stays away from people who use. Now imagine if that same person had to quit, but they had to take three puffs from that crack pipe every day and no more. She could never do it!! THAT'S why food addiction is so hard to overcome! You HAVE to have food to stay alive, but if you eat to much, it can kill you! It's a crazy thought...

Today has been ok...physically I feel like Superwoman...but then I catch a glimpse in the mirror and Bleh! It's just really hard to see that huge person staring back at me... People have always told me, "You have a pretty face" or "you have pretty eyes" and ok, I can see that there is some niceness to my features...but I can also see how much fat surrounds my face. I daydream sometimes of how my face will look when I get the weight off. I've never been at a healthy weight, so no one, including myself, knows what I would look like!

I pulled out the measuring tape this morning an found that I've already lost an inch off of my waist and approximately 2-2.5 off of my hips! I really won't know for sure on the hips because a standard tape is 60 inches and my starting was 66.5 on them, so it take ls another person to use a second measuring tape to get it accurate. And that is another one of my goals! To be able to measure my hips with one tape!

So the goals I am coming up on are:

1.) lose more weight than I ever have (36 pounds is the most I've gotten off)
2.) Get back below 300 pounds
3.) lose 6.5 inches in my waist so that I can measure with only one measuring tape.

I have many more. Many, many, MANY more...but I will get there slowly...

Thanks for Reading my dear friends!
<3 Honor

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Day 17: Long Day and I AM feelin It!

Yesterday was a long day and today seems to be following a similar pattern. Christmas is right around the corner and I have a huge list of things that have to get done...yet I volunteer myself for more...why do I do that?

I spent part of last night and a vast majority of my morning making mini cupcakes to package up and take to the pastors house so that they can be distributed in goody bags for our local school faculty. PLUS , I spent the majority of the night last night with my mom working on some little flower arrangements to take to a nursing home that our church sponsored for Christmas. Yea, my church is awesome ;) I love being involved in stuff like that, but my work schedule makes it nearly impossible most of the time.

So, needless to say, all of this goody baking is a definite challenge in the world of healthy living!! And I have been a very good girl....my best advice for you is to bake on a full stomach. I eat my healthy meal and then do my baking so that way I'm not quite so tempted.

Today was another one of those days to where I normally would not have worked out. My body is tired and my muscles are sore. But I took my butt to the gym like I knew I needed to! Right now I'm a little overwhelmed by how much stuff has to be done before Christmas. And I'm working really hard to stay on track. But I want you to know that it is not easy! Every single day, if not multiple times a day, I crave food that is bad for me... But somehow I have managed to overcome the cravings. Christmas time is a really hard time for anyone to diet especially someone who is morbidly obese, and I am by no means looking forward to it. But I really feel like I have a better grip than I ever have before.

Today has been one of the hardest days out of all of them as far as food cravings are concerned. But I survived that to, and now I'm going to get me some dinner!

Thank you for reading my dear friends!
<3 Honor

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Day 16: Weigh-In Number Two

Sixteen days ago I weighed 350, 7 days ago I weighed 331, and today I weigh 318!! In 16 days I am down 32 pounds!!!!! So that gets me 5 pounds away from my first goal, which was to lose more than I ever have (36 pounds), and I'm only 18 away from my first milestone...which is to be under 300.

I still have a hard time believing that inlet myself get that high! Two years ago I weighed 286-293. And I had held that weight for quite a while. In March of 2010 I quit smoking and thought I would overcome the stigma and "lose" weight after quitting. That's when I lost the 36, then my sister had a huge life altering thing happen in July that had her not eating and me eating what she wasn't. I gained 60 pounds! And then climbed even higher this year. It just doesn't seam real that I'm fighting to weigh under 300. BUT...it's only a matter of time until I'm fighting to get below 200 and then in to 1nder land I'll go. I've been over 200 pounds since at least junior year in high school, so the idea of getting that low doesn't even seem like its doable. But it is. And I will get there!

I'm making cupcakes tonight for goofy baskets for my church to give out to teachers. I can't quite figure out why I like making cupcakes and cakes so much...but I do! I love it! A sweet little treat once in a while is ok. A sweet tweet every day is not ok! I have three cakes to make in the next three weeks and I'm very excited about them. I'm happy to make all of them. Sometimes I'll get an order for one that will freak me out because I don't know how well I'll be able to do it. But these are going to be great :)

Have a good day my friends! And thank you for taking time out of your day to read my random thoughts :)

Your support is Beyond appreciated!
<3 Honor

Monday, December 12, 2011

Day 15: Week Two is down for the count!

I am so excited that I can say I've survived two weeks! I didn't have any doubts though;) Did you? lol

I am utterly humbled by the people who have come to me over the past few weeks and said that I have inspired them! I know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that I am fully committed to see this journey through...but seeing how much other people believe in me leaves me in awe...

Tomorrow is weigh-day number two, and while I have a tingling feeling of terrified anticipation...I also have a feeling of accomplishment. Because I know I've put in the work and stated perfect on my calories this week. So the scale shall reward me for my hard work and dedication! :-)

I'm off of work for my mid-week weekend (I'm generally off Tuesdays and Wednesdays) and I'm excited about it! I love my days off, and now I have more energy (yes that really does happen when you workout regularly) and I get to put up my Christmas Decor! I have a very busy few days ahead of me, which is great for keeping my mind off of food. When I'm not busy, I find myself daydreaming about different foods I'm going to miss and thats just sad!! There is MORE to life than food!! I PROMISE! <-yea that was a message from me, to me!

I am starting to feel a little apprehensive about the holidays. I know that I can make good food choices...but I have a confession...I haven't successfully had a workout at home. It's amazing to me how much easier it is to pack up my gym bag and go to the Y, than to just put in some workout clothes and do something at home. I have some really great videos, and I know a ton of stuff that I could do to burn calories, but I get home in my little comfort zone and put it off until its to late and I'm off to bed. The Y will not be open on some days closer to Christmas and I still had to workout...so I've GOT to get a grip on this quick! But, in the famous words of George Lopez, "I Got This!" :-)

I'm headed to Subway for dinner and then off to the Y!!

Thanks for reading my dear friends!
<3 Honor

Sunday, December 11, 2011

14: Why I Have to lose the weight

I thought I would share with you today why it is that I have decided to start this journey and lose the weight now.

I turned 28 in June. That means that I am now 18 months away from being 30 and will celebrate my 9 year wedding anniversary this coming February. Time is quickly moving by, and we do not have any children.

In January 2004 I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, more commonly known as P.C.O.S. that, in a nutshell, means that it will be extremely difficult for me to become pregnant, without losing a significant amount of weight. The doctor was very helpful with putting me on birth control to regulate my cycle and in October of that year my husband was to leave for boot camp to become a member of the National Guard. In July, August, and September of 04 we did 3 rounds of Clomid, which is used to induce ovulation (egg production) in women who do not produce ova (eggs) but wish to become pregnant. Obviously that didn't work. So my husband, Jamie, went off to boot camp and I stayed home. During the three months that he was gone I started to have increasingly painful migraines daily.

By late December I was having difficulty seeing properly and had numbness on parts of my face, so on the 23rd I went to the E. R. They mis-diagnosed me with Bells Pausy (which is a random condition that causes facial numbness and goes away on its own). They did not address the migraines nor the vision problems and sent me home with a referral to see a Neurologist after the first of the year.

Thankfully I had a planned vacation the week after Christmas since my husband would be home for those days before going on to his specialized training for another three months. I was terrified. He had to leave again, and I still had this crazy thing going on with my vision, and couldn't drive nor could I work. After he left my mom took me to see the neurologist and within moments of some preliminary testing he rushed us over to have me admitted in the hospital. After a week of testing and being scared out of my mind, they performed a Spinal Tap and an MRI and Diagnosed me with a Pseudo Tumor Ceribi. Which pretty much meant that my brain thought I had a tumor, which it didn't, so the "protection" it was giving me was putting pressure in my optic nerve causing the vision problems, and other nerves-causing the facial numbness and giving me the migraines. This was an incurable disease which would require medication for the rest of my life and in the words of the neurologist, "You'll either lose weight, or you'll go blind", devastated me an threw me into a horrible depression.

Let's fast-forward to about a year later...I had managed to lose maybe 20 pounds,if that, and it was time for a check-up MRI to see how things were going and make sure the condition wasn't getting any worse. In that year I had switched neurologists because I felt that the first one was mean to me just because I was overweight and I had a really hard time getting over his comment (which was made while I had a foot long needle in my spine). So I go to the new neurologist and he does the MRI and guess what?? This incurable disease has mysteriously disappeared!!

Ok... I didn't know what to think...but I sure did celebrate! I had this newfound freedom and appreciation for life and just didn't realize how much time was passing and we were still childless...

So now here I am, present time, well about a month and a half ago, at a low point in my life. I take pictures of children and families every single day and watch awesome parents and despicable parents pass through my doors and I have this insane jealously towards the good ones and absolute rage towards the bad ones. I couldn't understand why God would give these terrible parents children and not us! What had we done to deserve a childless marriage? Well it's NOT my job to ask God why. It's my job to pray and ask that God's will be done in our lives. That's a hard thing to do when you feel like you've been cheated. So, I had myself a little "Come to Jesus moment" and realized that losing weight was not just about me. It's also about my husband and the potential of having a family with him. My selfishness through food addiction has not only hurt me but it's also hurt him as well. So I decided to change. This is something I have complete control over, I just have to retrain my brain and my body to agreeing with that!

So now the plan is to lose down to under 170 by the time I turn 30 (June 28th, 2013. Which gives me approximately 18 months. If I reach my goal and lose 100 pounds within the length of the Fitness Challenge, then I will only have 70 more pounds to go to reach my long-term goal and I'll have more than a year to make it happen! Sounds like a PLAN!!

Thank you for reading dear friends!
<3 Honor

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Day 13: Ready to look how I feel

I feel great! I can feel my body slowly starting to get stronger. I'm being able to do certain exercises better. I was on the Arc Trainer yesterday for 25 minutes!! So I just can't wait for all of this hard work to start showing! That, in itself, is enough to keep me motivated. I've never lost enough weight to actually be able to see results, other than a number on the scale.

I HATE having to choose "fat people friendly" chairs. I just had to run a jack to my sister to change a flat tire, and to get to my jack I had to remove some things from my trunk. And there it is...my fat girl lawn chair. I remember the day I bought it last summer, I was so excited to have a chair that I didn't feel uncomfortable in or afraid I might break it. Now when I look at it, I can't help but feel a waive of nausea for what I let happen to my body. But at the same time I felt a sense of pride for what I am doing to rectify the situation!

I finished the cake...and didn't eat it! There were some points during the baking and decorating process when I seriously felt like grabbing up a hunk of the part I had shaved off and just eating away!! In the past I rarely ate the left-over parts from shaving down my cakes. But now I find myself craving it simply because it's something I've told myself I can't have! That happens to me in the grocery store too...yummy little 6000 calorie apple pies (ok, maybe not THAT many calories...but CLOSE!) that I wouldn't have taken a second glance at two weeks ago, and now I'm drooling over them!

I really am enjoying the foods I choose to eat. I've had a ton of broccoli, mushrooms and lemon pepper chicken over brown rice. I make an awesome (and filling) omlet for under 200 calories. Some yummy mini pizzas one night for under 400 calories (but I have a hard time with pretty much any kind of low calorie|whole wheat tortillas or Pitas, so the crust wasn't the best part. But it definitely solved my pizza cravings!). And I've had a LOT of Subway lunches. Probably not the most beneficial calorie choice, but it works for me right now. I work as the manager of the portrait studio in Wal-mart, so we have a Subway there in the store, so most every day when I'm at work I just walk down to Subway for lunch. Yum! Turkey on wheat, no cheese, toasted, with tons of veggies...only 280 calories for the 6 inch and it's yummy!! Plus I add a bag of Sunchips and we're in business!

I'm STARVING and I just got home from work, so I'm headed into the house to make the healthiest
Taco salad ever! (using light Pringles as my base, and then lean ground beef with veggies and salsa!-Yum!)

Thanks for reading my dear friends!
<3 Honor

Friday, December 9, 2011

Day 12: More water please!

I think my new active life-style is beginning to catch up with me! I feel like I could go to sleep tonight and sleep all day tomorrow...NOT going to happen, since I work...but it's a nice dream to have all day...

Last night's workout was probably the toughest so far. My trainer was called out for a family emergency so we were tucked into another class and it was twice as intense as the usual one. That followed by Zumba was almost more than I could handle. In the brighter side I did burn a TON of calories! 1652 to be exact! That's almost a half of a pound right there! It really amazes me how much hard work it takes to just lose one pound. It can become overwhelming! I mean all the work it takes to lose one and I need to do that 200 times!! Wow!

But, as I said yesterday, this is a One day at a time journey. I can't fast-forward no matter how much I'd like to.

My body is really starting to adjust to my new eating habits. I find my stomach growling less and less each day. I also seem to be craving water too. That's a CRAZY thought, because I'm so used to saying, "I hate water". Health professionals say that to find out how much water your body needs you take your weight and divide by two and that's how many ounces. If I were to do that (331/2=165.5) which is the equivalent to 20.6 cups (8oz) of water per day. WOW!! I've never consumed that much liquid in a day. However, because of this new-found knowledge, I do push myself to drink more water and have found that it gets easier and easier each day. Right now I'm getting an average of 12-8oz glasses a day. I'll TAKE that!! It's more than ever for me and I attribute that to being a nice factor in my seemingly rapid weight-loss. The scale is still moving down and I'm excited!!

I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds :)

Thanks for reading dear friends!
<3 Honor

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Day 11: One Day at A Time

Today has already been pretty great. I love that I can feel my body getting stronger and stronger each day. I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that I am doing so well at this! Typically by this point, I've already gone over my calorie budget at least a few times and I've started to skip days at the gym for some made up reason.

Last night felt great! I went to eat with my sister (something we do together frequently) and we BOTH make healthy choices! I'm so proud of her! She has been on a weight-loss journey of her own for over a year and a half now and has lost 70 pounds! She has taken a bit of a break for the last few months, but has recently jumped back on the weight-loss boat with me. :-)

I use My Fitness Pal to track my calories and cardio so that I can keep a running total of my progress. Be careful though if you use it, because they try to even out your calories, so if you burn 500 calories in the gym, you get to eat 500 more that day! WHAT? Eat back all of my hard work?! I think not! Hehe, so I just keep track of calories consumed and calories burned. Let me tell ya, when it says I've burned more than I've eaten for the day...that's when I get excited!! I really do think that has a large impact on my dramatic weight-loss.

So I have a confession to make...because the scale said something so unbelievable to me this past Tuesday, I was insanely worried that maybe I wouldn't lose any this week. So last night after my workout I hopped on the scale. In my mind I was saying, "well I just wanna see". Maybe I was afraid it might go up just a little, so I want to keep on track. NOPE. It went down a little more Already! What the crap?! I'm so excited! I can't wait to see what my official weigh-in will be next Tuesday! For some people, those little sneaks into the scale can mean compromising their weight-loss because they might not see the results they expect, so they get discouraged and give up. That used to be me too! But this time around, I'm so pumped up, and I'm doing EVERYTHING right! So if the scale doesn't give me what I'm looking for, that's just like adding fuel to the fire! It's a motivational thing to get me pumped up and burning some more calories!

Some people have asked me: Where are you getting your will power from? And I've said, "What will power honey? This is just sheer determination!" I think, in the past, I've been to hung up on the stigmas that You have to have the will power, or You have to be willing to make a life change forever. I'm over that. This is a One Day at a Time Commitment. (one of my favorite old gospel songs) and each day when I wake up, I determine how my day is going to go. I have the option to make it good or bad, despite the circumstances, and I am the only one who can control what I eat today and how much I exercise.

So maybe it's only Day 11, but to me, it's another day that I've decided to make the decisions that will get me closer to my goal. And, by George, I'll get there!!

Thank you for reading my dear friends,
<3 Honor

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Day 10: I Feel Amazing!!

I cannot describe to you how great I feel! I've been proud of myself for accomplishments before, but this, this is such a big deal!! I have received so many encouraging words and good wishes over the past 10 days! I can't imagine what it will feel like when I can actually SEE the results. My muscles are still tender, but that's a good thing. That tells me that the workouts I'm doing are building muscle. I'm certainly not working towards body builder status, but having a little bit of a bicep sure wouldn't hurt my feelings! I'm struggling with cravings, of course. I just keep telling myself that as long as I keep overcoming them, they will become less and less. It's hard to imagine that at this point though!! I've been spending a lot of time the past few days working on a cake, and that's when I feel the weakest! EVERYTHING looks tasty to me! Maybe just a little lick of buttercream icing...or just a small piece of the cereal treat...haha NO! That's a TRAP! A little leads to a little more, and then a little more...and then I fall off of the bandwagon! No thanks:) So instead I had a nice filling bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, and then when I started feeling hungry again I had a bowl of Doc's Chili(biggest loser recipe with only 162 calories per cup and nice and hearty!) So I've made it through the majority of my day and am now seated at a booth at Applebees with my sis, which is a huge thing because I've been staying away from restaurants, other than Subway...but they have their under 550 menu and I'm on it!! Thanks for reading dear friends! <3 Honor

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Day 9: Weigh Day!!!

Whoops I missed yesterday! But I was still eating healthy and working out!!

Today was my first official weigh-in and after 9 days I've lost 19 pounds!!!!!!!!!!! I am Overjoyed!! Estatic!! Shocked!! Lol I don't know WHAT to think!! I knew I had worked really hard, but that definitely had my jaw dropping :-) I CAN do this!

The most I've made it on an elipticle o r arc trainer is 7 minutes so far...today, my trainer, Cindy, somehow got me to 17 minutes!!! Wow! I am sitting in the sauna as I write this and am so pumped up that I could probably go to 17 more!! But I still have a cake to work on, so I will be going home and putting my energy toward that until tonight when I do Ypump and Zumba!!

Ok, I just had to update that I burned over 2000 calories today!!!

Thanks for Reading dear friends!
<3 Honor

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Day 7:No Sunday Blues Here & A Cake Challenge!

So usually by this point in my journey I get the Sunday blues. By that I mean that the Y is only open for a few hours during the afternoon and I work those hours...so no gym. The gym is where I feel successful. I would love doing workout videos at home if I felt comfortable jumping around in the house. But I always have this terrifying feeling that if I jump...I might break stuff...really! So Sundays are REALLY tough for me! Today I work like usual and then I will go home and do a video (minus the jumping) before dinner.

I haven't mentioned before, but I make specialty cakes as a side job because I love it! Today I will be starting my first cake since I started this...and I'm a little apprehensive. I KNOW I can do this...but it will definitely be different from past cake-making experiences.

I wanted to mention that I am having a lot of fun figuring out different ways to make healthy low-cal meals that taste great! I love to have a big ole' plate full of food that weighs in under 400 calories!! I plan to try to figure out how to get pictures on here soon so I can share. :-)

It's amazing how here we are at day 7 and I already feel so accomplished! Weigh day is Tuesday and I'm Super excited to get some official results!

Thanks for reading!
<3 Honor

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Day 6:I Feel Like I'm on Fire!

I am telling you THIS chick has got what it takes! I am just all fired up and ready to go, go, GO!!! I may have had a little sneak at the scale and I know that's bad for me because if it doesn't say what I think it should, I get discouraged VERY easily. But I just couldn't help myself. I won't post yet because I want my weigh-ins to be official when I am at the Y because that's where my starting weight was.

Today has been a busy day at work and I knew it would be! But I did something VERY uncharacteristic of myself...I got up at 7! I was so proud!! I got up and made myself an Awesome omelet, and then got dressed and went to the Y for Ypump...it felt Amazing! And last night I purchased a watch that will track my heart rate and calories burned for my workouts so I can keep a more accurate tally of my personal calories burned. This morning I burned 606!! What?? Oh yea!! I'm looking forward to a visit this evening for some more Cardio and maybe some weight training and Definitely a trip to the Sauna! :-)

Thanks for Reading!
<3 Honor

Friday, December 2, 2011

Day 5: I am Not an Early Birdie!

I have made it through day five! I am feeling REALLY great! I have not cheated in my diet at all!!! Staying under 1500 calories a day seems like a breeze on some days and utter torched on others. I'm guessing that may be partially due to the fact that I am a real addict. I have cravings...just like I did when I quit smoking. In truth, the food cravings are farther apart from the nicotine cravings, so I should be able to do this! The exercise is what's so difficult for me. I HATE to workout!! The dance classes definitely make it easier. But I still have to spend time doing the elipticle, the stationary bike, lunges, crunches...blah blah blah! Yuck!! BUT I've made it Almost a week! Lol that doesn't seem very long in the grand plan...but one day at a time baby!!

So it's after midnight and I have to be up at 7 to go meet my trainer at 8. Bio. I usually drag (and I mean drag) out of bed at 9:30 rushing to leave for work in 15 minutes and skipping breakfast. This has to change, I know. And I've been getting up at 9 all week. But 7?!? I'm going to be so ready for my bed tomorrow night!!!

Good night all:) and skinny dreams!
<3 Honor

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Day 4: Zumba may be the Devil!

Well, I survived day 4. Barely. It feels like I layered another layer sore over what I already had! I know this feeling will get better as I get stronger, but I'm pretty sure I've never pushed myself this hard before!!

Making healthy eating choices has always been difficult for me. After all, that's how I got this way in the first place. But these last four days I feel like a new me! I don't feel hungry all day...I'm tempted to indulge in a trigger food from time to time...but I'm VICTORIOUS!! I have stayed under 1500 calories each day.

I am exhausted and planning to hit the sack a bit early tonight!! Good night!

Sweet Dreams my friends!
<3 Honor