June 30th, 2016: Losing Weight & Mood Swings

Did you know that being on a restrictive diet can literally make you cranky?? It can! It's a very common side effect! I've done some research on it (because I experience it like crazy) and there is a lot of truth to it. It can be caused by a lot of different things, like low blood sugar and a lack of certain nutrients. I do take a multi-vitamen every day, so I hope that's not what is causing it. I just know that I hate feeling like I'm ready to snap everyone's head off. I usually start feeling better by the later afternoon, but the mornings are ROUGH and right after I get home from working out is usually pretty bad too. I seriously went into a crazy woman rage last night over a misplaced pair of shoes in the living room. I mean really? Get control of yourself woman! And when I am in the middle of this little hissy-fit business, I seriously feel like I have no control to stop it. Of course, afterwards, I'm all in my feelings and feeling sorry for my poor hubby who has to endure my craziness. I hope this is just a passing phase, because I can't stand being this emotional. It's not just the anger either, I can also cry at the drop of a hat. Annoying. I hate to cry for senseless reasons. It makes me feel weak and I HATE to feel week.

So anywho...I did my leg weights at the gym last night before Zumba, and I want you to know that my legs are singing the praises of almighty King! Lol!! They are hurting something fierce! Honestly, I almost crave that feeling. It's like...I know that if I am feeling achy muscles, then I'm doing something right! That's the feeling of my muscles growing, and the more you build muscle, the higher your metabolism will be. I pretty much have NO metabolism...haha...so I need all the help I can get!

So I pushed through and went to Zumba tonight. I'm glad I did, but it kicked my butt! I love feeling like I'm a part of something. The ladies that were there tonight were super nice!!

Alright I'm off to bed. I'm Sooo ready for the weekend! By the time I get off of work, go workout, get home and cook dinner, prep for lunch the next day and then repack my gym bag and all of that, its 9:00! There aren't enough hours in the day!!

Here is the breakdown of my food for today:

Breakfast

Strawberry Protein Shake with a bowl of strawberry oatmeal with fresh strawberries = 255 cals

Lunch
Doc's Chili, Turkey Sammy, & Cottage Cheese = 432 cals

*I skipped my afternoon snack today on accident.

Dinner
Brown Rice w Chicken Tenderloins, and a side salad = 591 cals

Total calories for the day =  1448

June 29th, 2016: Staying Positive in a Negative World

You know, I try to stay positive and look on the bright side of things as much as possible. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I am a generally happy person, who will always be there for you when it matters most and I love to put a smile on people's faces. That's me. I like walking in a room and seeing someones face light up when they see me. Part of that comes from growing up, feeling either invisible or just like that "fat blob" that no one cared to know. So I worked on myself. (it's ok to do that). I actually work on self-improvement as much as possible. I have this innate instinct to want to please people and make them happy. Mostly because, being around happy people makes me happy. I'm sure you can relate. If you hang around negativity, you eventually get sucked in. I've been through different times in my life where that has happened and it just drained me. It had me stressed out all the time and just Not Happy.

I know that there are a lot of people who suffer from depression and mental illness and I don't know how it is for them. Like...I've been severely depressed before (almost every Mother's Day and other times as well) but I don't think I can relate to people who deal with the real stuff. When I was 18 years old, one of my very close friends because extremely depressed and took his own life. It was devastating and really, one of the most difficult things I've ever dealt with before. I just found out yesterday, that a woman I look up to So much, lost her husband the same way two days ago. I can't imagine how she must feel. How her children must feel. And the rest of his family and friends. It has brought up so many old emotions in me that I thought were locked away. I don't know what to think. I want it to stop. I don't want people to leave this world that way. People with family & friends who love them dearly. It seriously makes me so freaking sad. I want to be able to stop it. I want to make it all better and I can't. And that just makes me crazy. I have had so many emotions in the past few days that this has brought up, that I've been just a little on my own nerves. I can't fix everything, and this is something I have no control over unless someone comes to me and asks for help. I know quite a few friends and people close to me that deal with depression and I just want you to know, if that's you and you are reading this...my door is always open. No judgement. I want to help you any way I can.

Ok, so enough of that heavy stuff. My whole day hasn't been consumed by that. It's just been on my mind. I really enjoyed my day off from the gym yesterday. I feel refreshed and ready to go today! I woke up with a lot less aches and pains, so that automatically made me feel better. It has been 2 solid weeks since I've been back at this and I haven't blown my calories at all or felt like I've failed really badly any particular day. I've had a few indulgences here and there, but never went over my calories. And I just want you to know, that I'm not skinny yet! What the crap?? LOL! Ok, I'm just being silly now. But I saw this super cute saying similar to that and just thought it was hilarious. I wish it were that easy! But no, I will just keep trucking along. I'm happy with the way I'm doing things now, and getting the results I want to get for the most part, so you won't hear me complain to much.

Something that I found to be SUPER cool: At the end of each week, FitBit will send you a summary of your results. If you have one with a heart rate monitor, it will calculate the amount of calories you burn off of your heart rate throughout the day. So many people know that 3,500 calories equals a pound. So If I eat 3,500 less calories than I burn in a week, I should lose a pound. So I did the math with the figures they sent me and it almost PERFECTLY matched up with my weight loss last week!! I just think that is so darn cool!!

I had an ok day at work, but I was ready to hit the gym. I read an article today that even further stretched the knowledge that I already had of how important weight training was during weight loss. It obviously helps to build muscle, which is super important, to help with the flabby skin and all of that, but it I also helps you have a better metabolism and burn more calories when you aren't working out. So I went to the gym and did the leg machines and then headed to Zumba with trembling knees...haha. And lucky me, we had a super energetic and really fun Zumba instructor today. I just LOVED her!! She is soooo much fun. She is one of those dancers that can roll & twist and looks like she belongs on TV. I love it. That's how I hope I can dance when I lose some weight. I know I just look like a jiggly blob when I dance right now, and I really just want to look sexy when I dance! Lol...that's a normal thing right? Everybody wants to look (and feel sexy) don't they?

I came home from the gym exhausted. Emotionally and Physically. I was ready to just go home and go to bed. But I didn't. I came home and cooked a healthy dinner for me and a relatively healthy dinner for my picky husband. Lol. We both eat the same protein, but when I have veggies and healthy stuff for sides, he had mashed potatoes and black-eyed peas. But I tell ya what...he is actually trying to watch what he eats for the first time ever since I've known him (almost 14 years). I'm proud of him.

Alright, this tired girl is off to bed! You guys have a wonderful day tomorrow!!

Here is my food breakdown for today:

Breakfast
Cherry Berry Smoothie

Lunch
Doc's Chili, with a half turkey & cheese sammy & a small tomato = 402 cals

Afternoon Snack
Vanilla Yogurt w/ Cranberry Granola (one of my new fav snacks = 175 cals

Post Workout Snack
Whole Natural Almonds = 160 cals

Dinner
Boneless Pork Sirloin, Green Beans, & Tortilla Chips with Avocado Dip = 623 cals

Total Calories today landed at 1633. A little higher than usual, but I need to make sure I'm getting enough calories on workout days, because I feel puny when they are too low.

June 28th, 2016: My Birthday!

Well...I'm finally 21 y'all! I've been waiting for this time for a long time! Haha...ok...no...I confess, I'm 3 . THIRTY FREAKIN' THREE! I'm getting' old!! And I tell ya what, when I woke up, I sure felt old! Of course, it's from working my butt of, but hey, when you wake up and your age has to go up another year and you have aches and pains all over, its easy to tie the two together.

I decided ahead of time that I was going to take it easy today. Today, after work, was our home visit for the Children's Division. We got the all ok again. Afterwards I got busy cooking dinner . I normally don't cook on my own birthday, but one of my wonderful friends, Olivia, and her husband, took me to lunch. We ate at Colton's steakhouse and I was SUPER excited to find that I could order a nice fulfilling lunch for less than 300 calories! How cool is that?! I had a 6oz Sirloin with Broccoli. So since I'm trying not too get to crazy today, I decided to cook something healthy so I could have a cupcake for my birthday. :-)
 After dinner, my parents came over to visit and we had a nice little time with my sister and nephews. And that's about it. Nice & simple and sweet.

My food was a little different today:

Breakfast
A Protein Shake & Quaker Strawberries & Cream Oatmeal = 230 cals

Lunch
Sirloin & Broccoli = 276 cals

Dinner
Chuck Steak, corn on the cob, and a side salad = 503 cals

1 Filled Cup = 320 cals

Total Calories = 1449 calories

June 27th, 2016: Macro this, Macro that...oh and ONE REPUBLIC!

Oh how I ache! Lol.... like really. I have only ached this badly once before and that was the last time I was on this path. It lasted for the first few weeks, and then it wasn't so bad at all. So I keep reminding myself, that it won't always hurt this bad. I won't always feel like I'm rolling a 2 ton bolder out of the bed in the morning. Haha...but that is how I feel right now and it's hard to focus on much else!

I've also been doing some research on Macros. It's confusing and seriously there are so many different things you can focus on to lost weight. Right now, my primary focus is to keep my carbs and fats low and my protein as high as possible. Which is exactly what it says when I look up macros for weightloss in females, but they just keep it within certain percentages. When I looked mine up (google search) it was 50% Protein, 25% Fat, and 25% Carbs. That is HARD. I already know that I live a high carb lifestyle, but thanks to the fact that my sister is on a low carb diet, I've become much more aware of high carb foods and how bad they really are. So...although I'm not going to the extreme of being on a low carb diet (because I LOVE my carbs!!) I am being much more conscious of what I am putting into my body.

I had a typical day at work, followed by getting my butt kicked at Zumba. It was my third day in a row and my 5th exercise class in 4 days. My body is broken. It's kindof funny to me when I go in to a Zumba class or any class there are generally a person or two that will give me "the look" or a sneer or just whisper something to a friend with side-long glances over my way. Uh..hello! I'm right here! And I'm a freaking person! I'm not some donut smashing couch monkey...it drives me insane INSANE. Like I want to walk over and give her a piece of my mind (and yes, it's almost ALWAYS the women). How sad, that women are pre-programmed to tear each other down? I hate that about our society. Especially in a place that you go to to GET HEALTHY! Of course, that happened today, and my sister caught it. I try not to notice anymore, so they have to be pretty freaking obvious for me to notice. But my sister was off to the side and had a great view of the room and caught it. It broke my spirit a little. But, I'm better than that. She can't bring me down. And she's lucky I'm not the one who saw her, because I have a much bigger mouth than my sister does. :) And I am sure not afraid to use it.

Anyways...so I came home and against the scream of my feet...I cooked dinner. I made an old favorite that I had forgotten about. Doc's Chili! You can google it and find it really easy if you type in "Doc's Chili Biggest Loser Recipe" it's super yummy AND the best part was it's Low Calorie and High Protein. AND I had leftovers :) Yay! Win/Win Buddy!!

Oh and the biggest news of my day: So...most of you already know that I sell Younique Makeup. Well, I have had my ticket bought for our Convention that is in August since January. It's in St.Louis and I have No idea what to expect. BUT they are slowly releasing details and today they announced that on the welcoming night of Convention we will get to enjoy a Private Concert by One Republic!! I am sooooooooooo excited!!! That is just so freaking cool! I am ready for August to hurry up and get here!

Ah, I'm so tired I am headed to bed.

Here is my food breakdown for the day:

Breakfast
PB & Banana Smoothie (made with Jiffy PB powder this time, it was alright, but not the same PB punch as the real thing) = 340 cals

Lunch
Turkey & Colby Jack Sammy with a side of Cottage Cheese & Good Thin Rice Crackers (Veggie Blend, it was yum) = 504 cals

Afternoon Snack
Vanilla Yogurt w/ Kashi Cocoa Granola = 175 cals

Dinner
2 cups of Doc's Chili = 324 cals

2 servings of Fiber Gummies = 60 cals

Total Calories for today were = 1503 and my protein was higher than ever at 123, but I need a lot more. Oh well...still a work in progress. Y'all keep your heads up and stay positive. :)

Haha, if only!! My life would be much easier....maybe.

I am so in love with this bread!

This right here was the star of the show. :)

June 26th, 2016: Weigh-in #2!

That's right folks...today is weigh-in #2. I will tell you, I am happy with the scale, as long as, every week I see some improvement. If I don't see some improvement, you will see one very unhappy camper. Because...I'm seriously torturing myself. 12 days in to this and I'm still not skinny! What the crap? Haha... But seriously, I was happy with how my week went. I got an all time high on my steps yesterday at 10,717 steps!! And that was WITH blisters on my feet. If you aren't moving, that should give you some movtivation! Lol. So I woke up this morning feeling positive. I got on the scale...and...well, I was pleased, but a little let down that it wasn't more. 357.0 pounds that's down 4.5 pounds...last week was 9,5, so that makes a round 14 pounds so far. Not fast enough. Lol. I wanna lose 10 pounds a day...isn't that realistic?? But seriously, I'm happy. And I'm going to keep pushing hard until I reach my goals. The biggest goal I have set is to lose 200 pounds before my 35th Birthday (yes, I am THAT old, haha) I know it sounds huge, but that's 2 years from now. That's an average of 8.5 pounds per month for the next 2 years. I feel like that is an attainable goal.

So today, I slept in...until 9:00. My feet were already hurting and I was very unmotivated. The day after I way in is kindof like that sometimes. I wanna slack off because I've got all week. So I watched a little TV, then I watched a little more...I knew we had to leave at 1:15 if I wanted to make it to YPump on time. So around noon, I finially got motivated to shampoo my carpet, Lol...yea that's how I roll...it was like speed shampooing, but it got the job done. I headed to the gym at 1:15 with about 1,200 steps in. After Y Pump and Zumba, I felt like I was gonna die. My shoes are warped to the side because I stand on the outsides of my feet and I could FEEL how awful it was. I have like 4 pairs of good tennies shoes that I rotate and 2 pair are ok, the other two (including the pair on my feet) are garbage. So.....since my birthday is Tuesday, I sweet talked Jamie into getting me a new pair. The feel like walking on pillows of heaven! Lol!! They are Fila's and they have memory foam in the soles and they are just awesome sauce.

So after the 3rd shoe store I was set! We also did some errands to a few other places and then ended up at Walmart for my big shopping trip that I usually do every two weeks (after payday). Two hours later, and too much money spent, we left. It was nearly 9:00 and I hadn't even had dinner yet!

So we rush around putting everything away and I went the easy route with a ham & egg scramble because it's quick and easy and full of protein. You would NEVER guess how many steps I got in today!!!! 14,400!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it!! I may be in some serious pain tomorrow, but I am SUPER proud of myself!!

Here's my breakdown for food today:

Breakfast
Strawberry Mango Smoothie & 2 boiled eggs = 433 cals

Lunch
6" Turkey & Black Forest Ham Sub at Subway with a bag of Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips = 595 cals

Dinner
3 egg Ham, Cheese & Mushroom Scramble with Turkey Bacon and a piece of Nutty Oat Wheat Bread (that stuff is soooo good and doesn't taste like Wheat!) = 440 cals

*I also took some Fiber Gummies that had 30 cals (watch your supplements for calories, especially gummies!)

Total Calories today = 1498

I'm really happy with my food choices today.

June 25th, 2016: Obese to Beast Mode

I feel like a freaking Beast today y'all! No joke! I got home late last night, and finished up my blog. I think I was already asleep while I was writing it, because I was freaking exhausted. But I was proud of myself for staying commited and finishing it!

I was super proud of myself to be up at 7:30 this morning so that I could get ready and go to Zumba with my sister. I was hoping to make it through half of the class, which would be 30 minutes. Primarily because I haven't worked out in 4 years and I'm just getting back into the swing of things, but also because I have nickel sized blisters right on the bottom of my feet, so I thought that would be pushing it.

So we walk in a few minutes late. The warm-up song had just ended so we join right in on the first song. I was freaking out a bit because I didn't know any of the moves and it was all very foreign to me. But then the second song I knew and still remembered some of it! So that was cool. Throughout the time she would show us some of the moves for the newer songs and then we did some we knew. Before I knew it, the whole HOUR was over and we were in cool down mode. WOW! I was super impressed with us! We kicked some butt! And my favorite thing about it..it's soooo much FUN! For anyone out there that is struggling with getting your cardio in, I highly recommend I group exercise class. And don't just say you won't like it, TRY it, then make your judgements. I love the group exercise classes. I feel like having other people doing it with me pushes me to do it more. Plus the music is super upbeat and fun too.

After our class I was feeling those blisters pretty well, but I was on a exercise high or something and wasn't quite ready to stop yet. So my sister went up to the walking track and I followed her and hopped on the Arc Trainer. It's a great way to get cardio in without putting as much stress on the area where the blisters are and it's also really forgiving on my knees. I got another 15 minutes in on that and we called it done for the day. I had already reached my step goal for the day before Zumba was even over, so I was feeling pretty amazing. I also knew that steps would be hard for the rest of the day with my feet in a mess right now. I sure hope these blisters heal quickly, because I don't need them in my life. Haha

After all that amazing exercise I came home and did a little bit of meal prep, and then took it easy. I got to enjoy some time visiting with my mom & dad and when that happens my sister usually comes over so they can see the babies, so we had us a nice little visit. After they left I got busy on laundry and finishing up some meal prep (I cooked up a whole bag of Chicken Breast Tenderloins because they are super easy to warm up and make an easy dinner during the week.

By the time I was done with everything it was time to get dinner going. I was so proud of myself because we absolutely love these things called Pizza Rollers that our Pizza Hut sells (not all Pizza Hut's sell them), so I had decided a while back to make a healthier version because the Pizza Hut ones have 250 calories and you get 5 to an order...yea 1250 calories plus marinara every time I ate those...Wow!! So I made mine with turkey pepperoni, light string cheese and I added mushrooms, because....well let's be honest...this girl LOVES me some mushrooms. :) Well my version ended up having MORE calories....what the crap?!?! The only thing I can figure is that the crust that we bought (the Pillsbury kind in the can), has WAY more calories. On the plus side, mine were bigger and I only ate two, so I still stayed well within my calorie goal.

Here's the breakdown of my food from today:

Breakfast
Whole Natural Almonds (on the way back from the gym, I just really wasn't hungry) = 160 cals

Lunch
Kale mix salad, with Honey Turkey Breast, Broccolli, Cucumber, Parmesan-Romano Cheese, and Ranch Dressing, and then I cut up and baked a Tortilla Shell and made some Avacado Dip (Avacado, Sour Cream, salt, pepper, garlic powder, & onion powder) = 529 cals

Dinner
Pizza Rollers with Pizza Sauce = 528 cals

Total for today = 1217 cals (I may have a late night snack to round that closer to 1500.

I divided up around 5 or 6 bags of fruit into smoothie sized portions

to make my mornings easier. :)

*Join me on My Fitness Pal and get all the details of my food measurements and such. Username: honorwarren.

June 24th, 2016: Goals, Goals, & more Goals!

You know, they say that setting long-term and short term goals is crucial when you are trying to be successful at pretty much anything. I have to agree. Not to mention the fact that as you start hitting your goals it makes you aware of your accomplishments and helps you build momentum to move on to the next goal. I have about a million small goals set for my weight loss journey, but I also have some long-term ones.  In the short-term, I want to be able to fit into my clothes that I already have, properly. Most of my shirts are to short and don't fit correctly because I honestly belond in a size up, but you can't buy any bigger locally and every time I have ordered anything it looks like a potato sack or just doesn't fit properly. So...why sit and complain about them not making it right, when I can just do something about it myself. ;) I have so many goals I could go on and on about them. Haha. The main thing is...you have to make them!!

I had a pretty great day today. I was sore from Y Pump, but that was to be expected. I was still feeling pretty good and was pretty darn proud of myself for doing so well. So on my lunch break I got a wild hair up my butt and decided to go for a walk. That's all well and good except I had on my pretty worn down work shoes. They're like a loafer slip-on kind of shoe. NOT for walking. I knew I had made a bad decision about half way through my walk, but I thought, I can push through this, it's not that bad. Well as soon as I stopped walking my feet started BURNING. Like a feeling I've never felt before. The really sad part about it, is that I had a pair of tennis shoes in my bag because I was planning on doing legs at the gym after work. But I gladly changed in to them when I returned from my walk and ended up staying off of my feet for the better part of the afternoon.

After work I met up with my sister and some of my cousins, my Aunt, and my hubby and we all went swimming at the Y. It was really a great time and we had some fun! I love playing with all the kiddos and hanging out with the fam. :) Afterwords it was 8:00 and we decided to go to the China Buffet to eat. I love eating there thanks to the grill where I can have my own food chosen and cooked for me in just a tiny bit of oil. I had a TON of calories left, so I had some breaded shrimp and even a naughty desert. I am feeling pretty bad about that desert, but I really did have the calories for it. So I guess it's not too awfully bad.

I'm exhausted and headed for bed! Hoping to join up with all my girls tomorrow (sister, cousin & Aunt) and go to ZUMBA! It better not be cancelled again or I'm gonna go in there and jiggle my flabby self anyways!! LOL.

Here's my breakdown of food for today:

Breakfast
Fruit Smoothie, 1 cup of Strawberry, Banana, Mango Fruit Mix, 1/2 cup Strawberries, 1 Scoop Protein Powder, 1 cup Unsweetened Almond Milk = 285 cals

Lunch
2 slices of Whole Wheat Toast, 4oz Honey Turkey Breast, Mozerrella Cheese Slice, Lettuce, Mayo, side of pickles & baby carrots = 334 cals

Afternoon Snack
Skipped

Dinner
Breaded Shrimp w/Marinara Sauce
Mongolian Grill with: Beef, Broccolli, Muchrooms, Water chestnuts, and Mongolian Sauce, Peach Cobbler & Ice Cream = 839

Total Calories for today: 1458

*You can follow my detailed diary of Caloric Intake & Exercise on My Fitness Pal, my username is Honorwarren. :)

Goodnight & you know I love ya! I wonder what kink of Shananegans I'm going to get in to this weekend. :) Maybe I'll SLEEP both days....yeeeeeees. 

June 23rd, 2016: Exhaustion & Pushing Through (I've Got This!)

Well, I think my body is angry with me. I really think there is about a 2 week period of time where, if you fully commit yourself to life change, your body goes a little crazy. I mean I've got the headaches going on, my stomach goes back and forth, and sometimes I feel weak, even though I've had plenty of healthy stuff to give me lots of energy. I remember this feeling from last time...I just have to push through, because it does go away. I just keep telling myself, "it's only temporary, and I can do this!

It has been a long day for me. I slept like poo again last night. I used to take Melatonin every night to help me sleep, but I weaned myself off of it, because I don't like being dependant on a drug to be able to do anything. So now...I'm not resting well. And when I do sleep, it's very broken up. My fitbit senses every time I move or wakeup and you should see it! It's craziness. I really hope that, as I continue to workout regularly and have MUCH better eating habits, that hopefully my sleep balances out as well. Otherwise, I'm just going to crash every few days, and that will definitely slow down the weight loss.

 So I went to the Y with my cousin Jessica again (she's been a great motivational partner this week!) and her mom came with us. My number one goal was to wear myself out in hopes of being able to get a good night's sleep tonight. We planned to meet there after I got off of work and go to Zumba, however, when we arrived we were crushed to find that it had been cancelled for the second night in a row. So I took a peek at the group class schedule and saw that they had a Y Pump class at the same time. I used to go to that class all the time & I Loved it. So I talked them in to going. If you don't know what it is, it's kind of a mixture of light aroebics and torture, I mean weight lifting style stuff, lol. We did lunges and some yoga style stuff and it's just a nice all around way to get your heartrate up build some muscle up too.

Well we did the best we could....lol. I'm proud of us! We had fun and put in a good effort and got some pretty calorie burn going on. We also warmed up before hand on the treadmill with a 10 minute walk. So, all in all, I'm pretty happy with what we accomplished. And now I'm sitting at home, just got done with a short visit with my sister and her two babies and eating dinner and I am just exhausted! Lol...I already having muscles hurting that haven't hurt in a long time...I FEEL THE BURN BABY! Hahahahaha

So here's my breakdown for food today. I feel like it was a good day!

Breakfast
PB Banana Smoothie, because I'm an addict and I added a Plum today (because they are soooo good for you!) = 490 cals

Lunch
Salad made with: Baby Kale Salad Mix, 2oz. Honey Turkey Breast, Fresh Mushrooms, small diced tomato, Parmesan-Romano Shredded Cheese, and 1 sev Ranch Dressing = 293 cals

Afternoon Snack
1/2 cup cottage cheese, 1/2 cup fresh strawberries with 1 tsp of Sugar in the Raw sprinkled on top, and a Plum = 183 cals

Dinner
6oz Chicken Breast (grilled on the stove in some Olive Oil with Webers Garlic & Herb Seasoning on top, that seasoning is the bomb.com!), a whole can of french style green beans (I was hungry) with a tiny bit of Worschester (Idk how to spell that) Sauce drizzled on top, and 2/3 of steamed corn = 410 cals

I'm currently sitting at 1376 calories for the day, so I'll probably have a serving of Almonds before bed. :)

My pitiful face after my workout tonight. :)

My super tasty and pretty salad. 

And then my dinner. Simple and sweet and super easy to throw together when I was all worn out!

June 22nd, 2016: Caffeine Withdrawal is for the dang BIRDS!

I'm going to die. Like...seriously...my body is revolting against me and this is the end. Ok..maybe it's not quite that serious but that's how it feels. On Monday, June 13th I drank 2 15oz Monster Java Mean Beans and maybe a can of Surge too. That was my normal up to that point. 2 Mean Beans almost every day. Tuesday, I had one, and no Surge (that's when I started back on my calorie counting), Wednesday the same. Thursday and Friday were caffeine free days, and then on Saturday I drank half of a can of Surge (which made my stomach feel disgusting!). So that was it....today is Wednesday...Day 4 straight of no caffeine and my 3rd day of having a headache/migraine. I'm dying. Lol...So I made a decision...I literally am not capable of working out while feeling this poorly. When my heart rate goes up from working out (or moving vigorously, take your pick), then that mild headache turns in to the Tsunami of all Migraines and makes me think I need to start writing my Will. So that decision is...I'm gonna get a Mean Bean today. One. I'm ok...really I am. I can do this. I just can't get a good burn in, if my head is about to explode and if Monday is any indication, even if I were to push through that and go ahead and workout, then I go home and crash from the pain. That doesn't work either.

I remember that one thing about my last little 5 month long saga of weight loss was that it was super hard for me to keep up with my day-to-day life chores. You know, like laundry, dishes, blah, blah all the stuff we just LOVE to do. Haha... I am determined to make that a priority this go around. I'm not in a weight loss competition this time. I need to find balance with my every day life, because I want this to be sustainable. It IS my life. Lol...duh... I'm working on the mind shift and not going back to all the same habits as when I was in the competition. I was 100% focused on weight loss and nothing else. Which worked for me, but I did get burnt out. And that's a big no-no for me. So that means I have to do some serious house cleaning this weekend, yay! Not!!

Some of you may know, and some may not, that Jamie and I are licensed Foster parents. We have to have a case worker come to our home every three months and do a home visit to make sure all of the safety stuff is in order and our house is nice & tidy. She's coming next Tuesday (on my birthday) so that'll be some nice motivation to catch up on some of the chores that have gone undone. I love to have motivation to clean! Haha, otherwise I just put it off. Boo! Lol

So last night I went to bed at 7pm...haha...yup you read that right...and I slept through to 6am this morning. It felt GREAT! Except for the achy muscles and tired bones from some fat chick laying on me all night...(Oh that's me, haha)! Anyways...I'm a napper, so usually I take at least a 30 minute nap on my lunch break at work. It makes me feel more awake and focused for that last 4 hours of the day. They say overweight people sleep more..yea that's totally me. I'm ready to say goodbye to that part of my life. I feel like I waste so much time that could be used more productively by sleeping, or lazying around because my body is to tired to do anything. But today...there will be no nap...who needs one when you've slept 11 hours!

Well, I started writing this on my lunch break, but then right after, my head was killing me, so I took two extra strength Excedrin and I just want you to know that I feel so much better and I'm not going to be getting a Mean Bean after all. I don't need those calories. There are 180ish grams of caffeine in a Mean Bean and 130ish in two Excedrine, so that's why it's helping with my migraines so well. They are obviously from the caffeine! Yay...I'm so glad I got that all figured out!

So now it's the end of the day and I've been to the Y with my awesome cousin Jessica and her sister joined us too! We were planning to torture ourselves in Zumba today, which I was totally excited about...but...it was cancelled. :( How sad. So we regrouped and went into the fitness room and did a 5 minute warm up on the Ellipticle, then we did the arm weight machine things and abs, then 15 more minutes on the Ellipticle (torture, death, killer) then we walked a few laps and did 5 minutes on this nifty machine called the Arc Trainer. I did it a lot last time when I came, and loved it. Anyways, then we went outside to jabber about healthy eating and who knows what else and I look down at my FitBit and low and behold, I was still sitting at 4,200 steps. What the crap? Lol...the workouts on the machines aren't really counted on the steps and I really wanted my 5,000 steps before I left! So...we walked AROUND the Y, haha. Whatever gets it done right?? :) There is no better feeling than when that fitbit starts buzzing to let me know I've reached my goal for the day! And you know what? I sure wouldn't have put in that extra little push of effort if I didn't have it. I just love it.

Anywho...I'm exhausted and ready to Netflix & Chill for a bit and then pass out.
Here's my breakdown of food for the day...

Breakfast 
The same PB Banana Smoothie as yesterday (it's super yummy, and I have to eat the bananas before the go bad) = 450 cals

Lunch
Turkey & cheese wrap, tomotoes, and pickles(dill pickles don't have any calories!) = 315 cals

Snack
Kashi Cocoa Coconut Granola = 130 cals

Dinner
8oz New York Strip steak, Baby Kale Salad Mix w/Parmesan-Romano Cheese & 1tbsp Ranch = 503 cals

I tapped out at 1398 cals today, so I may have a late night snack of some strawberries or something later. Follow me @ honorwarren on My Fitness Pal to check out the detailed version of my diary! I'm also on Instagram @ myjourneytofindingme. I love you guys!! And my blog is at over 10,000 views now!! That's freaking unbelievable! You guys ROCK!

Mmmmm GRANOLA! I need some Yogurt to go with it...lol

Doesn't that look super tasty?! I love it!

I can't believe I ate KALE! That's a big deal for me, but seriously, it tasted just like all the other spring mix style salad mixes so I'm down with that!

June 21, 2016: Non-Scale Victories

So there is this new concept in the weight loss world called non-scale victories or NSV. Well maybe it's just new to me, but anyways...it pretty much is just something you have done to make a positive change toward your weight loss goals that isn't on the scale. I like this concept. I really think it might help to stay positive even during plateaus.  I've already had quite a few NSV's this time around. Walking 2 miles, making it 20 minutes on the Elliptical without stopping for a break, cutting out sodas and my beloved Mean Beans. I'm not saying that I will never have them anymore, but only on a rare occasion. These caffeine headaches are killing me, so I definitley want to stay away from the caffeine on a regular basis. I've done that before and haven't had an issue. My thing is...water is boring...sometimes I just want something with a little flavor! Lol...and currently I am not able to drink or eat anything that is sweetened with fake sweeteners. My pallet is very sensitive to them right now and I can't do it. It's a tiny bit annoying, because that's a low calorie way to get rid of my sweet tooth, but, oh well.

This time around I'm trying to be a little more conscious of what composes the calories I'm eating. For instance, last time, for the most part, I ate what I wanted as long as I didn't go over 1800 calories per day. This time I want them to be healthier calories. I'm trying to stay away from low-calorie and low-fat products because apparently they have a ton of junk in them to make them that way (see how scientific I was there :) haha). I'm also trying to just make all-around healthier choices. It's hard...so, so hard. I've been going around for the past few days saying, "I just want a big fat cheeseburger, and mozzarella sticks, and cheddar peppers and a chili cheese coney." LOL! But really, I do want those things...badly. With about 300 Mean Bean Coffee Drinks to wash it all down. I'd probably be physically ill and then feel like crap and there is NO WAY I am doing that to myself. I think I really am going to make some healthy cheeseburgers this weekend though. Yum... Yea I think about food all the time. That's something I need to fix. But right now it's a combo of fat girl thoughts and calorie conscious forethought. I want to make sure that I'm prepared for what's ahead and for curve balls as well.

I barely got any sleep last night, which was the second night in a row. My body requires 8 hours of sleep minimum, and I slept less than 6 hours the last two nights and tossed and turned the entire time. So, needless to say, by the end of the work day, I was dragging butt. I drove over to the Y, planning to warm up on the treadmill and then give Zumba a try, since I loved it so much last time. I ended up sitting in my truck and almost fell asleep in 10 minutes! Sooooo I thought, after having that horrible 24 hour migraine yesterday, maybe my body just needs a  little rest. So I came home and cooked dinner and I'm going to bed!

Breakfast
Peanut Butter Banana Smoothie: 2tbsp PB, 1 small banana, 1 Scoop Protein Powder, 1 cup unsweetened Almond Milk = 450 cals

Lunch
Turkey & Cheese Wrap: 4oz Honey Turkey Breast (fresh from the deli), 1 slice of Mozzarella Cheese, 1 Flatbread w/ 2 tbsp of cream cheese w/ranch powder for a nice kick of flavor, and a small tomato = 340 cals

Afternoon Snack
1/2 cup cottage cheese & a serving of Stacy's Bagel Chips = 230 cals

Gatorade because I am so tired of water = 80 cals

Dinner
A scramble because it's easy and I'm sleepy! 3 large eggs, 2oz diced ham, 1 cup mushrooms, 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese = 457

Total calories today 1557, not bad, I just wish I had moved more today!

June 20th, 2016: Pushing Through the Pain

Oh man. I'm a crazy person. I mean really. When I woke up yesterday morning I was exhausted and worn out from getting those 10k steps and everything else. So yesterday I was lazy. Until 8:30...when I convinced myself to go on a short walk with my hubby because I was only at 4,000 steps for the day. So...I went. And went...and went...and before I knew it we walked all the way to the park, which is a mile. I seriously contemplated staying there and having him go home and get the car and come back for me. But I would of had to sit it the dark, alone...um no... Not a chance. So I walked home. Two miles. That may not seem like much to some, but for me, its something I've never done before and now I've done it two days in a row!! The cool thing was, when we got back to our apartment I was at 9,200 steps!! And there was no way I was stopping THAT close to 10k. So, I walked a little more. I was soooo proud of myself when I got home! I had to sit on the couch for a bit to recooperate, haha, but I made it!

But then....the morning came...and so did the achy muscles. I am HORRIBLE at remembering to stretch. You are supposed to before AND after. Pshhh..not me...I'll just wake up and be extra sore for fun! So I went on with my day with a few winces here and there, but I survived the workday.

After work, I made the next logical step in this crazy journey. I rejoined the Y. I really, honestly feel that to maintain long-term success, I need a gym. The YMCA is 30 miles from my house, so some might think I'm a little crazy, but it's in the same town I work in, so for me, it was logical. I plan to make sure I go at least 3 days a week to workout, I'd like to swim (or move around in the water) once a week, and then walk outside at least once, if not twice a week. I want to keep it all switched up so I don't get bored. If I get bored, then I'll lose momentum. 

I planned ahead and brought workout clothes to work with me so my lovely cousin, Jessica, met me at the Y and we hopped on the Elipticals. For me, it's the best way to get cardio in. The treadmill kills my feet and so does the walking track, and my hips are to wide at this point for the Arc Trainer, so yea....Eliptical. I remember the first time I ever got on one...I made it maybe 3 minutes and thought I was gonna die! Haha...I got on today not really knowing what to expect. At first, it was a breeze, but by 5 minutes in...I started feeling every muscle in my body. I really thought 10 minutes...that's all I can do...I decided I was going to do 10 and then take a short break and hop back on and do 10 more. But as I came up on 10, I look over at Jessica...and she looks great. She's just humming along...and I think, nope, if I get off of here, I'm gonna give up. So I took and brief pause to lower my 170 beat per minute heartrate...and kept going. I paused a few times throughout...BUT I DID IT..20 minutes! I hope I burned a million calories because that 20 minutes was way harder than the 2 mile walk (that took an hour). I have a newfound appreciation for my resilience! I mean, I put it all out there and pushed until I thought I was gonna die. 

I've dealt with a migraine/headache since last night that just kept getting better & worse all throughout the day. By the end of my 20 minutes in hadies, I mean on the eliptical...it was pounding like my brain was trying to jump out of my head. And that lovely feeling has followed me through the evening and made me have a very sad night. Hoping and praying for a better day tomorrow.

On the food side of things, I ate all day. No joke. Like...I had the serious munchies. Luckily I went to work prepared with lots of healthy low-cal options so I didn't blow my calorie goal.

Breakfast

Protein Smoothie: 1 cup of unsweetened Almond milk, 1 scoop of vanilla protein, 1 cup of cherry blend mixed fruit=250 calories (it tasted to heavy on the protein stuff so I'm gonna have to modify this one for me)

Snack

1/2 serving Pretzel sticks= 60 cals

Kashi Organic Promise Cocoa & Coconut Granola = 130 cals

Lunch

Spaghetti Squash with homemade meat sauce, baby carrots, 1/2 serving Pretzel sticks, Cream cheese (with ranch powder for dipping the carrots) = 344 cals

Snack

1oz Coby Cheese w/ grape tomatoes - 140 cals

Dinner (breakfast for dinner)

I made a scramble with: 3 large eggs, 4oz diced ham, 1 cup of fresh mushrooms, & 1/2 cup of mild cheddar cheese. 1 piece of whole wheat toast with a little butter, and a side of 3 pieces of turkey bacon. = 682 cals

Total calories for the day were 1606 and I only drank water which is a BIG deal for me, because I want mountain dew and I want Moster Java Mean Beans RIGHT NOW! Lol :)

Good night y'all! I'm taking some meds and passing out!

 I know the spaghetti squash looks crazy, but it's really not bad.

This was the scramble...looks gross..tastes AMAZING! Lol

Yes, I do play with my food on occassion...

June 19th, 2016: First Weigh in Day!

I'm sure you want to know how my weigh in went, but we'll get to that in a minute. First I wanna share something else with you. So I had a HUGE accomplishment for myself yesterday!! If you tuned in to yesterday's blog, you saw that I had over 6,000 steps in by noon. But then I had a horrible migraine from the heat and  ended up lying in bed for a while. Well...I made myself get up and get moving and even though I spent four hours of the evening on a train ride and at a little performance thing, I still hit 10,000 steps. Woohooooo!!!!!

The only downfall to this, was that when I got out of bed this morning, I thought my feet were broken. Wowsa, this fat body sure isn't made for that much action! But, never the less, I am very proud of myself for reaching that goal!

OK, so on to the weigh-in. I went back and forth on whether I was going to share my weight in the beginning because it is super shameful and I feel awful that I've allowed myself to get in this condition. In the end, I decided that I will, because that number is the past and I pray to God that I never see it again. Ever. So, last Tuesday evening, I weighed in for the DietBet at 371 pounds. I know you are probably wondering how I let myself get to that point, but honestly, it didn't feel like a decision. I'm not a binge eater except on rare occasion. I don't normally consume 5,000 to 10,000 calories per day and just sit on the couch and eat all day. That's not me. I'm also not the person you see on TV admitting to going to multiple drive-thrus and getting a ton a of crap. In fact, I rarely eat fast food. If you were to look at how often the average person eats at a driver thru I'm 100% certain that I would be at the bottom of that statistic.

So why am I fat? In my personal opinion, its largely due to the fact that I have a naturally low metabolism, I eat processed foods, and have PCOS which causes my body to store those foods differently. I have had to make peace with the fact that my body was just made differently than the average person's. If I want to stay healthy and lose weight and then maintain that weight, I am going to HAVE to stay active and make healthy eating choices. Otherwise, the weight will come back and I'll be right back where I started.

So, admittedly, I've been on the scale pretty much every day since Tuesday night. I normally weigh in the morning because you weigh less in the morning and your body fluctuates throughout the day. Not to mention, my ankles are swelled up puff balls of fury by the end of each day. But I weighed Tuesday evening for the DietBet because I decided to join on a spur of the moment and wanted to hurry up and get started before I talked myself out of it. So I thought Wednesday morning I would hop on and see if it was different. Nope. 371. Well crap. I really weigh 371. That was a hard pill to swallow. So, I set my determination to full throttle and got busy.

This morning when I eased onto the scale it ever so kindly gave me a number of 361.6. I'll take that! 9.4 pounds in 5 days...I call that a victory! So what if it's mostly water weight?! Haha...I'm just gonna pretend like it's 9.4 pounds of pure fat. :-)

So I have am often online researching weightloss and success stories and all of that and one thing I wanted to be sure of was making sure I get enough protein. If you consume enough protein the weight that you lose will be more fat than anything else and that's what we want! So for my weight I need to get around 160-180 grams of protein per day. Easier said than done! That's a butt load of protein! Sooo...I went and got me some protein powder. Not the best form of protein, but at least it will get me where I need to be for now. I found some that is 150 cals per scoop and has 60 grams of protein! That's exciting! I made a protein smoothie this morning and it tasted great!

Here's the breakdown of my food today:

Breakfast
Strawberry Smoothie: 1 1/2 cup strawberries, 1 scoop of protein powder, 1 cup unsweetened almond milk, 2 tsp honey= 400 cals (this made enough for two so I just used the other half for a snack later in the day)

Lunch
China Buffet for Father's Day. I ate from the grill: sliced Beef, broccoli, mushrooms, water chestnuts & Mongolian sauce. 1/2 cup of red grapes = 303 cals

Afternoon Snack
Stacy's Garlic Bagel Chips=130 cals

Dinner
Pork Steak, Broccoli, and corn on the cob= 371 cals

So, at this point I'm sitting at 1204 calories for the day...not enough really, but I've been super lazy so I guess I'm OK with it. My biggest issue is that I only had 94 grams of protein even with the smoothie. Argh...I will get it figured out. I'm definitely gonna have some almonds before bed, that'll get the protein up a bit more

Until next time...you guys have a great night. Thank you SO MUCH for tuning in. Seeing how many people read my blog does WONDERS for my motivation!

June 18th, 2016: This girl is in Love with her Fitbit

So about a month ago, I decided that I really wanted a Fitbit. I thought it would be a great way to see where I was and start making some progress towards being more active. I KNOW I'm not active enough. I went from having a job as a photographer where I'm up on my feet all day moving around and stuff, to sitting at a desk 95% of the work day. NOT good for my fitness, but great for my Plantar Faciitus. I used to come home after work and sit in the car for an hour because my feet hurt to badly to get out. It was awful. So now I only have that issue when I'm really active. The good thing is that I found that the pain went down significantly when I lost all of that weight before. So....I'm ready for it. Push through the pain and the benefits will be totally worth it!

Anyways, about this fitbit thing...so I got mine a few weeks ago and started seeing where I was. They say a normal active person should strive for 10,000 steps a day. I was getting anywhere from 1,200(I laid on the couch 75% of the day watching Netflix on a Sunday) to 3,500 on a normal day with a few days bouncing up to 6,000 on the weekend if I went to Cape and went to the mall and shopping and all of that. So my first goal was to set my step goal to 5,000 and know that I better get some more on the weekends. Today is Saturday and by noon I was at 6,200!! Lol. Wowsa! I've NEVER hit 10,000 steps before so that seems crazy to me that people can do that daily. I'm gonna get there though! I got all those steps in today because I walked with my lovely motivators my hubby and my sister to the park about a mile away and back. We took a break at the park and let my little nephews play. It was super fun except for the killer migraine I get from being in the sun.

Something I'm going to add to my blog is what I'm eating every day. I'll at it at the end of my posts each day. I'm doing this mostly because last time I was doing this people would always ask me what I was eating. So this way I can just send people here.  I'm also going to do the majority of my posting about weight loss on Instagram so that I don't fill up my Facebook news feed with stuff that annoys people who aren't on this journey with me. I'm still going to share my blog to Facebook everyday though. Instagram has a huge community of weight loss oriented people that I find to be very helpful! Hashtags are the key to linking up with those folks and I just love it! If you want to follow me on Instagram search my name or myjourneytofindingme and you'll find me. 

I spent my evening on the St. Louis Iron Mountain Railway Train ride, which my momma treated me to. It came with dinner which stressed me out because I had no idea what would be available. So I went very stingy on my calories throughout the day in preparation for that. It isn't to big of a deal for me because I'm always hungrier later in the evenings anyways so it worked out. Dinner came in right under 800 calories, which is WAY more than I would normally do, but thankfully I got in over 8,000 steps today, so I think I should be OK. 

Goodnight friends! This girl is exhausted! And I still get to drive an hour home, but wanted to get my blog posted. 

June 17th, 2016: Oh Lordy Here I Go Again...

I have been back and forth for days trying to decide if I was going to start blogging again. It takes commitment. But I have now publicly announced (via Facebook & Instagram) my return to the weight-loss world...so....I feel like my success hinges on accountability. This blog provides that for me.

It has been 4 and half years since I first started this blog and began the most difficult thing I've even done in my life. Substantial weight-loss. In 5 months from Late November 2011 through April of 2012 I lost 72 pounds. That's not bad at all. But then...I hurt my knee at the gym and 2 days later I was bit by a brown recluse on my upper thigh. I could barley even walk for a few weeks and then after that excuse after excuse came over me like you wouldn't believe! I needed someone to pull me out of my slump before it was too late. But before I knew it, the pounds kept racking up. My visits to the scale grew fewer and farther between because I KNEW what was going to be staring me in the face. A big fat gain. And I sure did NOT want to see that. So I stayed away and convinced myself that I would get it back together soon. Hmm...yea, that didn't work out.

I had some pretty dark days. I beat myself up about it. I mean...who am I going to blame. I am 100% responsible for every single bad thing I eat. No one shoves food down my throat. It's very hard to make peace with the fact that this is all my fault. And when I would feel guilty about eating something I shouldn't I have abused my own body to purge my system of that bad food. Yup...you read that correctly. I've literally put my body through hell, just because I couldn't take responsibility for my own actions and stay accountable.

So, you might be wondering, why now? Why am I finally back and ready to take on this beast head on again? Well, that's a complex answer.

#1 I hate living in this body. I can't reach my feet. I can't sit in 90% of the chairs in the world. I'm bulging out of my clothes which are the biggest size I can find without paying ridiculous prices at specialty shops online.

#2 My husband, who has always been smaller than me, had gained quite a bit of weight and was at his all-time high. At my insistence, he stopped drinking sodas. In just a few months time he has lost 40 pounds! That's a serious motivator for me and I'm so proud of him!

#3 My sister started a low-carb lifestyle and started going back to the gym and in just a short time she has already lost over 30 pounds. I'm really proud of her too.:)

#4 My sister also found this site called DietBet where you pay in to join this "bet" and you have a certain amount of time to lose a certain percentage of weight and if you succeed you get your money back and split the pot with everyone else who has succeeded. Cool huh?

So all of those things played a factor in getting me going again. I REALLY want to make this a lifetime change. I don't plan to count calories for my whole life. BUT, I do want to life this healthier life style permanently, so that I can be happy and healthy. And in all honesty...I just want to be a success story. I want to have that Before and After picture that makes your jaws drop! I love to look at those! They give me hope.

FYI my first official weigh-in day will be this Sunday. it will only be 5 days in to my diet changes, but I want my weigh-ins to land on Sundays. Soooo....be sure to tune in and see how my first weigh-in goes.