Wednesday, June 29, 2016

June 29th, 2016: Staying Positive in a Negative World

You know, I try to stay positive and look on the bright side of things as much as possible. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I am a generally happy person, who will always be there for you when it matters most and I love to put a smile on people's faces. That's me. I like walking in a room and seeing someones face light up when they see me. Part of that comes from growing up, feeling either invisible or just like that "fat blob" that no one cared to know. So I worked on myself. (it's ok to do that). I actually work on self-improvement as much as possible. I have this innate instinct to want to please people and make them happy. Mostly because, being around happy people makes me happy. I'm sure you can relate. If you hang around negativity, you eventually get sucked in. I've been through different times in my life where that has happened and it just drained me. It had me stressed out all the time and just Not Happy.

I know that there are a lot of people who suffer from depression and mental illness and I don't know how it is for them. Like...I've been severely depressed before (almost every Mother's Day and other times as well) but I don't think I can relate to people who deal with the real stuff. When I was 18 years old, one of my very close friends because extremely depressed and took his own life. It was devastating and really, one of the most difficult things I've ever dealt with before. I just found out yesterday, that a woman I look up to So much, lost her husband the same way two days ago. I can't imagine how she must feel. How her children must feel. And the rest of his family and friends. It has brought up so many old emotions in me that I thought were locked away. I don't know what to think. I want it to stop. I don't want people to leave this world that way. People with family & friends who love them dearly. It seriously makes me so freaking sad. I want to be able to stop it. I want to make it all better and I can't. And that just makes me crazy. I have had so many emotions in the past few days that this has brought up, that I've been just a little on my own nerves. I can't fix everything, and this is something I have no control over unless someone comes to me and asks for help. I know quite a few friends and people close to me that deal with depression and I just want you to know, if that's you and you are reading door is always open. No judgement. I want to help you any way I can.

Ok, so enough of that heavy stuff. My whole day hasn't been consumed by that. It's just been on my mind. I really enjoyed my day off from the gym yesterday. I feel refreshed and ready to go today! I woke up with a lot less aches and pains, so that automatically made me feel better. It has been 2 solid weeks since I've been back at this and I haven't blown my calories at all or felt like I've failed really badly any particular day. I've had a few indulgences here and there, but never went over my calories. And I just want you to know, that I'm not skinny yet! What the crap?? LOL! Ok, I'm just being silly now. But I saw this super cute saying similar to that and just thought it was hilarious. I wish it were that easy! But no, I will just keep trucking along. I'm happy with the way I'm doing things now, and getting the results I want to get for the most part, so you won't hear me complain to much.

Something that I found to be SUPER cool: At the end of each week, FitBit will send you a summary of your results. If you have one with a heart rate monitor, it will calculate the amount of calories you burn off of your heart rate throughout the day. So many people know that 3,500 calories equals a pound. So If I eat 3,500 less calories than I burn in a week, I should lose a pound. So I did the math with the figures they sent me and it almost PERFECTLY matched up with my weight loss last week!! I just think that is so darn cool!!

I had an ok day at work, but I was ready to hit the gym. I read an article today that even further stretched the knowledge that I already had of how important weight training was during weight loss. It obviously helps to build muscle, which is super important, to help with the flabby skin and all of that, but it I also helps you have a better metabolism and burn more calories when you aren't working out. So I went to the gym and did the leg machines and then headed to Zumba with trembling knees...haha. And lucky me, we had a super energetic and really fun Zumba instructor today. I just LOVED her!! She is soooo much fun. She is one of those dancers that can roll & twist and looks like she belongs on TV. I love it. That's how I hope I can dance when I lose some weight. I know I just look like a jiggly blob when I dance right now, and I really just want to look sexy when I dance! Lol...that's a normal thing right? Everybody wants to look (and feel sexy) don't they?

I came home from the gym exhausted. Emotionally and Physically. I was ready to just go home and go to bed. But I didn't. I came home and cooked a healthy dinner for me and a relatively healthy dinner for my picky husband. Lol. We both eat the same protein, but when I have veggies and healthy stuff for sides, he had mashed potatoes and black-eyed peas. But I tell ya what...he is actually trying to watch what he eats for the first time ever since I've known him (almost 14 years). I'm proud of him.

Alright, this tired girl is off to bed! You guys have a wonderful day tomorrow!!

Here is my food breakdown for today:

Cherry Berry Smoothie

Doc's Chili, with a half turkey & cheese sammy & a small tomato = 402 cals

Afternoon Snack
Vanilla Yogurt w/ Cranberry Granola (one of my new fav snacks = 175 cals

Post Workout Snack
Whole Natural Almonds = 160 cals

Boneless Pork Sirloin, Green Beans, & Tortilla Chips with Avocado Dip = 623 cals

Total Calories today landed at 1633. A little higher than usual, but I need to make sure I'm getting enough calories on workout days, because I feel puny when they are too low.

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