October 11th, 2017:

I have had a couple of people ask me what made me think this time will be different. After all, it's my 3rd time. I've lost and gained it back 2 other times already. My answer is simply, I don't know. I don't know WHY I can allow myself to spend 4 or 5 months busting tail and then just let it all come back. It's the single hardest thing. I'll get to a certain point where I feel like I deserve a break, or deserve to let myself have a few treats, and I just keep going and going and don't stop. It's heartbreaking. I know how to lose weight, and I know how to gain weight, but I've never mastered the whole maintenance mode. I've GOT to figure it out. I've got to figure out how to let myself stray a tad, but then be able to reign it back in. I know a TON of people who have done it. I know that I posses the skills and the brain power to do it. So...I just have to do it. I do know that I've leaned on other things and people too much in the past, and I'm trying really hard to change that this time. I've got the whole losing weight thing figured out, now time to get where I want to be or close and figure out a balance that will work for me.

I have never been able to get under 277 pounds. So that is one of my big goals. That will be just over 100 pounds lost. I'm trying to not put a whole lot of pressure on myself with goals and time restraints this time around, because I just get super frustrated when I fail. I do know that the point of making goals is that sometimes you reach them and sometimes you don't. But my brain isn't wired that way. If it's a goal, then I have to get it. Period. End of story. And I make myself crazy will all of that.

I had a great day food wise today. I don't eat until 1pm because of doing the intermittent fasting. It really REALLY works for me, because I've always been a late night snacker and I binge and lose control at the end of the night. That h asnt been an issue at all this time!! I start eating at 1 and eat u til 9pm and that's it. I had enough calories and carbs left at the end of the night that I got to enjoy some almonds and Atkins m&m's and it was heavenly!!! No joke! I was so excited about my life!! Haha.

I completed my 5th day of 10k steps and I'm not moving a dang muscle the rest of the week!! Haha ok, not true, I have stuff to do! I've been so busy worrying about those stupid steps that I have backed up laundry and housework to get done and a Halloween Party to prep for on Saturday!!

Have a good one friends!

Xoxo...Honor