Thursday, December 29, 2011

Day 32: A new frame of mind

Everybody gets sick. Everybody has days when they don't feel like doing anything at all and just curl up on the couch and don't do anything at all...and today was that day for me. I feel like I have a ton of bricks in my pants holding me down and keeping me from being successful! I pulled up to the gym tonight and just sat there... I just couldn't muster up the will-power to go in. All I could think about was everything I would rather be doing. And eating something absolutely terrible for me was at the top of my list.

This has been the hardest day so far, and I did something I absolutely should not have done. I gave in to one of my triggers and went to eat Mexican with my husband. And because it was a spur of the moment thing, he took forever to meet me so I sat there, feeling sorry for myself, and ate way to many chips with salsa. I was utterly ashamed of myself. And even as I was eating I knew exactly what I was doing, and yet I continued to eat chip after chip. My only redeeming quality was that I broke the chips into smaller pieces so that I didn't eat as much, and what I eat at a Mexican place actually isn't crazy high in calories, but it's white rice instead of brown and that cheese sauce! So my dinner ended up being around 660 calories if I calculated properly. I did not go over my calorie goal, but I still feel like dirt. I shouldn't have given in. And the last week and a half or so has seemed like I throw in a little something (like cake) that fits into my calorie goal, but I know I shouldn't be eating. Or going out to eat. Eating out isn't a big deal for most people, but for me, it's a trigger. I almost feel like I'm losing control over my decisions a little bit at a time. Which is why I am writing all of this instead of keeping it to myself. I almost feel that once I've put it down in my's done. And now I have to do better...and I can!

So as I am writing this I am feeling better. Much better than at the beginning of today's blog. I was near tears and feeling defeated. And now, just a half of an hour later, and a few words later...I'm feeling empowered and I'm going to head to the gym to do a workout on my own. Maybe that''s what I needed in the first place, instead of a group workout. I just think that tonight, I would have made any excuse to do something else, because that was the mindset I was in.

Thanks for reading and encouraging me!
<3 Honor

1 comment:

  1. Oh girl it is hard at times isn't it. You are a very strong person with God on her side that can stick with it. My dinners almost every night are in the 800's calorie wise. That is one thing I like about this "diet". You CAN eat anything you want. Just stay within the calorie limit. Yes some things are better for you but if you are feeling restricted as to what you can eat then eventually you come to HATE the "diet". This isn't a diet it is a life change. You shouldn't feel bad for eating something you like and staying within your calorie limit. I know at the beginning you should stay away from "triggers" as you call it but if you try to stay away from food you like forever you are just setting yourself up. I know you got this! Our God is awesome and can help us be the people he meant us to be! Love you girl! Hope you get to feeling better!