Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Day 44: Weigh-In Number Six!

Today marks six weeks that I have been on this journey. I feel stronger than ever! It has been far from easy, but I've survived it! I could put the six weeks under a microscope and tell you probably a hundred different times I could have made a smarter or healthier decision. I have been far from perfect! I've missed some workouts, I've eaten things that I knew dang good and well I shouldn't be eating, but one thing has been different that I always screwed up previously. I haven't given up! In previous attempts at weight-loss, if I would 'cheat' and have a candy bar or a small piece of cake I would convince myself that I had screwed up my diet that day so I might as well go ahead and grab some fast food for dinner and hey while we're at lets get a blizzard too! I'll try again tomorrow....and then tomorrow never came...I would wake up the next morning and just completely abandon the plan. So THAT'S what has been different this time.

One night, maybe a week ago, I was sitting in my chair watching The Biggest Loser (you'll see the irony in that in a sec), and I glance at the end table and spot a little Rubbermaid tub that my mom had given my husband at Christmas...inside that tub was about 15 pieces of peanut butter fudge (my weakness) and I was home alone (BAD idea)...so I picked up the container with the idea to 'just sniff it' HA! Nope...I sat there and ate THREE pieces (450 calories), stopping between each piece and putting the container back. I finally regained control of myself...had a little cry...and went to bed. I slept like crap that night and was sick to my stomach all night long. But instead of waking up the next morning and giving up or feeling guilty I went and did an extra 30 minutes on the elipticle (usually about 500 calories burned) and felt better about my screw up. And I didn't log either one in MFP because I was being silly and didn't want anyone to say something to me about it so in my mind I 'fixed' it by burning as many calories as I had eaten.

As you can obviously see, I'm not perfect. I'm not going to be, because I'm HUMAN! And one of the big side-goals I have on this journey is to gain some self-discipline, of which I have Zero. That's actually what I feel is making this journey so difficult for me. The phrase "fake it till you make it" has a whole new meaning for me!! Because I'm 'faking' self-discipline until I get me some! And little instances like the one I just explained are the prime example of my lack there of!

So today is my sixth weigh-in for the challenge and 7 days ago I weighed 308.4, today I weighed exactly 306.4
Which is another two pounds and a total loss of 43.6 (I say 44) :) do this means that I am 7.4 pounds away from beating the 300's once and for all!! And I plan to be telling you that I've done that on my week 8 weigh-in. I have lost 5 inches from my hips, which is exciting to me, and 2 inches from my waist! Yay!! I can't wait to see what the next 6 weeks brings me!!

Thank you so much for following my journey and for encouraging me! Even if you don't comment or message me in Facebook I know you are reading, because approximately 30-40 people a day read my blog. :) (I love that I can see how many people read!) so thank you for just being there!!
<3 Honor

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