Day 63: The Look

Do you wanna know something that really bothers me? Well I'm going to tell ya! I absolutely hate when people give me the look (you know, scan me from head to toe) and then make that Face...that one that says to me that they think I'm disgusting, or how did I let myself get that way, or whatever. I hear those comments in my head, because I've heard them verbalized before. And they sting as bad as a jagged knife to me. I am fully aware that not all people think that when they look at me, but I am also aware that some people just can't help themselves. You know, I have a little bit of an issue with 'The Look' myself, whenever I see someone who can't walk in the grocery store because they are so obese that their body just can't handle it. And any time I find myself falling into that judgmental cycle I give myself a swift mental kick! How dare me?! The one thing that hurts me the most and without much thought at all, I can turn around and do EXACTLY the same thing! So I definitely can't hold it against someone else for doing the same thing. We are HUMAN. But it still hurts! And it's so crazy to me that I have accomplished so much in such a short amount of time. I mean really? 49 pounds in 8 weeks is something very few people can do. But I did it! Me! I'm not special...I didn't do any kind of miracle cure-all or follow some kind of special diet...no, I've used my own wisdom and knowledge that I have gained about weight-loss, the success of others around me, & SHEER DETERMINATION. But the fact that remains is the part that is the hardest. And the part that makes my every day life a challenge and that is the fact that I'm still Morbidly Obese. And I still hate that phrase more than ever. 49 pounds is great. A hundred will be better...and 175-200 pounds lost and I won't be complaining...but I still have a long road ahead of me. But it's a road that is becoming more and more familiar. After 63 days, I'm getting to know this new road, and although it may be far from easy, and most days My first thought might be to take a detour! But this is my journey, and it's up to me to decide how the trip will go. And I just plan to make it as smooth as possible. :) It IS possible. 49 pounds ago I believed it was possible, and at this point I think I've proved that! I just have to continue improving. And hopefully, someday, instead of looking in the mirror and wondering what I'm supposed to look like, I'll look in the mirror and see who I am.

I spend a lot of time saying that I'm working on eating healthy and exercising, but the truth is that I DO eat healthy and exercise. That's just me now. It's been more than two months and that is what my life consists of...

After this healthy living challenge I won't spend as much time in the gym. That does not mean, by any means, that I will quit working out or living my life the way I have been. That just means that I have a TON of things that I have let go in my home over the past few months that are going to HAVE to get done. Spring cleaning could be the term I use. :) but that stuff is going to wait until mid-March when hopefully, HOPEFULLY, I will report that the sacrifices were all worth it and I had won the challenge. That's the plan. We shall see if that is the outcome. But the fact of it all is that I want to be able to say that even if I don't win the challenge, I gave 100% towards doing my best! And that's really all that matters.

Thanks for tuning in today! Have a great Sunday and an even better week this week!
<3 Honor