Well it is snowing outside and I love snow :-) I actually got to leave work early because I was in Cape to train and needed to make sure I could get back to town before it got really bad. I'm kindof sad that I won't get to enjoy the snow though, because I have an appointment with dentist in the A. M. to finish my root canal!
Tomorrow is weigh day and I'm anxious! I really wish I could shed off more than 1-2 pounds a week! It's a pretty big pain to work as hard as I do in the gym and not see larger numbers. I know that it's because of the PCOS, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. That's actually one of the reasons why I've never successfully lost weight. It takes so much MORE energy than it takes other people and I get so discouraged so FAST!
On The Biggest Loser they are always trying to figure out why they aloud themselves to get that size, or what caused them to over eat or whatever... so I've spent a LOT of time reflecting on that. What I have come up with: it's complicated. Lol. Part of the reason I became obese in the first place is kindof a mess! My mom wanted so badly fort sister and I to be healthy and not overweight. So she did exactly what the 'health professionals' told her to do. We had vegetables and fruit and LOTS of Carbs because THAT'S what the food pyramid said to do. So the weight just slowly crept up on me. By the time I was in High School I was definitely over weight...but not anywhere near as bad as I felt. I graduated when I was 17 & weighed somewhere around 200. I saw a 300 pound person when I looked in the mirror.
By the time I met Jamie, my dear crazy hubby, I had gained another 20-30 pounds and was happy a a jaybird.. I had no idea how out of control I was. I ate whatever I wanted. Mostly frozen pizzas, chips, tv dinners, fast food and sweets. And over the next 8 and half years I gained, on average, 10 pounds a year. From year to year, that didn't seem like much at all. But every pound added up and before I knew it, I was up to 305. The last 45 came on faster than any other and that was as my sister's divorce unfolded and I quit smoking. It came on LIGHTENING fast! So I really don't think that and specific thing made me eat crap and get fat. I do know that I probably would have attempted to LOSE the weight much sooner, if it weren't so Hard! I feel like its 3 times as hard for me as it is for normal people. I literally burn an average of 7,000-8,000 calories in the gym on TOP of the more than a pound a week I should be burning when you consider that my body burn 2200 calories a day if I were to do absolutely nothing but lay in bed, and I am pretty stinkin active with work and stuff and I eat less than 1500 calories a day! I should seriously (according to the math) be losing at least 5 pounds a week! Boo on my stupid body!! Lol!! But at least I'm LOSING! That's all the really matters in the grand scheme of things.
I feel you girl. I keep thinking of seniors in high school "gifting" different things to the younger kids and even though you are older I wish I could gift my metabolism to you! it makes me sad that you have to work SO HARD to get where you are going but it makes me that much more happy for you when you do have a negative each week! You are definitely in my prayers each day for this journey.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting different perspective on the hard work. I have PCOS too and it's frustrating, but actually WORK harder? I'm learning that I DON'T!! The skinny girls in my office work 10 times harder than I do--they eat right and go to spin class and yoga and all kinds of stuff in addition to eating right. They look great. Like you, I work hard and think I deserve more, but I'm getting there. It takes a little longer but the actual "work" on a day to day basis isn't any harder than anybody else has to work. That thought makes me feel better.
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