July 14th, 2016: What it's like to be Super Obese..

You know, I had a very interesting chat with someone I went to school with last night, and she really got me thinking. We were talking about makeup (I sell Makeup) and she complimented me on how much she liked the way I did my makeup. Well geez thanks! Who doesn't love a compliment! I said something back like, "Yea at least I've got my makeup skillz going for me" or something to that effect and it spawned a big conversation about my weight and hers. She used to be bigger, not as big as me, but definitely bigger. But she lost it all! She has maintained a healthy weight for like 6 years now! And she is such an inspiration to me! But she was pretty much getting on to me for talking down about myself. And I guess I really do that a lot. I've been thinking about it since last night. It's almost just out of habit. I don't take compliments very well. Mostly because I think people are just being nice to the fat girl who doesn't have much going for her. (see <--that is what I do). I feel like I have missed out on so many things in my life because of my weight.

She mentioned something about not letting it hold me back and to do what I want to do, go swimming, wear shorts, whatever..don't let what people think stop you. And I 100% agree with that. That's not my problem. If I can do it, and I WANT to..then get out of my way, because I'm gonna do it! LOL! My problem is not that I'm obese, or even morbidly obese. MY Problem is that I am Super Obese. Did you know that 67% of Americans are overweight? Of those 31% of those are considered Obese, and out of those 5% are considered Morbidly Obese. I couldn't find the statstics for Super Obese, but it's going to be even less than that. My BMI is currently 56.3. Anything over 50 is considered Super Obese. So what does all that mean? It means that the odds of you or anyone else knowing what I'm going through is unlikely. I do NOT mean that in an ugly way. I am just Fatter than more than 95% of the people in the U.S. And my body knows it! The only person I know that can relate to how I feel and what my body is going through is my sister. That's why she is the perfect motivational partner for me. My point about all of this is that being this heavy doesn't just hold me back from wearing shorts in public. It means I'm literally too heavy to the things most people take for granted. Like going to the movies....or to the Cardinals game. The last time I visited the Cape movie theater I left with bruises on my hips and tears in my eyes. And I have been to two Cardinals Games with the same result. The first time we went, I was huffing and puffing just to get to the stadium and seriously almost passed out! I would LOVE to go the games more. I can't wait to get to the point where I can. But right now I know it's bad. It hurts. And I can't go. I'm so stressed about our upcoming Convention because I know that the General Sessions will be in a theater style setting and I am so worried about being in pain the whole time. I want to be able to have fun and enjoy myself! Not worry about seats! So that just puts a damper on my excitement and really makes me question if I want to put myself through that.

I do know that this is only temporary and all of my hard work will make this a distant memory, but right now this is all I know. It's how I've lived my life for so long I can't remember a time when I didn't worry about it. I can't wait for the day when it's not an issue!

I found my old measurements that I recorded from 4 years ago. I am almost exactly at the weight I was when I started back then. So it was neat to compare. Although I weigh the same, my measurements are different! Mostly because I've already been working out for a month and so my body is already changing. It's exciting! But...it's too darn slow. I need results yesterday! :)

Today was actually a pretty good day. Work was the same old same old. Nothing dramatic to share there...then I pulled up to the gym and the heavens opened up and down came an outpouring of super heavy rain! NOPE. I went in sopping wet last Friday, NOT doing it today. LOL. So I decided to wait it out. It let up pretty quickly, so I went in and got ready. Lucky me, I got my cousin Jessica as a workout partner for the THIRD time this week. Woohoo! She really has come through for me while my sister has been busy with VBS and I really hope she keeps coming! I know it's harder when you have kids and a family to worry about. I guess I'm lucky in that respect. I don't have to worry about anyone but me...oh....and my poor needy, hungry hubby when I get home. :) He is having to adjust to later dinners, but he's doing good. Until today...he was a little pushy, he must've been hungrier than usual! Haha!!

I really wasn't in the mood at all to work out today, but knowing that Jessica was coming made it a LOT better.

We did Zumba and then we went up to the Arc Trainers and when we got on I was like, "I don't know how long I'm gonna be able to this, my knee is hurting. Let's shoot for 10 minutes ok?" And she agreed, because her knee was bothering her too. (We're a couple of old ladies I tell ya). So we get going and around the 5 or 6 minute mark I'm like, shoot I can do this for 15! And she agreed, so we kept right on going. Then around the 12 minute mark, I look over, and she's doing ok, and I'm thinking..hmm...I'm not THAT worn out...what the heck, let's do 20!! And you know what?!?!? We did!! 20 minutes on the Arc Trainer AFTER an hour of Zumba. I kicked me some Super Obese Booty today! Take that fat rolls!!

So there you have it. That's my day and my thoughts for the day. And here is the breakdown for my food choices today:

Breakfast
Protein Shake, and 2 packets of Staw & Cream Oatmeal = 360 cals

Lunch
Half a turkey sammy, doc's chili & watermelon (yes, again) = 435 cals

Afternoon Snack
2 Boiled Eggs = 136 cals

After Workout Snack
Almonds = 160 cals

Dinnah
Veggie Pasta w/meat sauce = 390 cals

My total calories for today was 1481 and I feel great about it!

Goodnight friends! Have a GREAT Friday!!!