As a young child I never really had a lot of friends. We were poor. We dressed poor. But we were Loved, unconditionally. The rejection I got from my classmates stung, but I was raised with amazing morals and values and I was taught the value of hard work and just being an over all good, productive member of society. The first 11 years of my life, my mom did that all on her own. We never had name brand clothes or fancy shoes, but really? What is more important in life? Surely not the name on the tag of your clothing. That doesn't bring you happiness. What brought me happiness was playing barbies with my little sister, who has always been my very best friend. Or having a fancy dinner, just the 3 of us and getting to use mom's China! That was a big deal! Those memories are what truly matters to me. But there was still this little dark cloud of negativity when I went to school. It was like I was in 2 different worlds. The first one, everyone loved me unconditionally. I had AMAZING Grandparents that were ministers and took me to special church events and camps and such and everywhere I went there was love and acceptance. And then in world #2, I went to school and I was judged and criticized and torn down. It was confusing. I honestly didn't know how to handle it. And my mom couldn't really help, because the exact same thing happened to her. She ended up finishing her schooling at home because of all of the horrible children that made her mere existence miserable. Parents need to do better. Parents need to raise loving, accepting children. Not bullies. And trust me, there are MANY more bullies in schools than the parents realize.
Thankfully, many of those people got their act together at some point and grow up to be lovely people. Thank God. If the world were filled with the grown versions of those children, I don't know how we could survive. I don't know when it clicked in me. When I was a teenager I was so deeply affected by the fact that most of the kids didn't care for me. I tried to hard to fit in. It changed nothing. So what was the point? After I graduated, it was like that dark cloud was lifted. College was SOO different. I felt accepted. I still didn't put myself out there much because I had absolutely ZERO confidence. But more and more, I made friends and became more sociable. (I know it's hard to believe that I was once shy and introverted, haha.) Now, I couldn't care less. Take me or leave me. I have so many friends that I feel that I neglect people that truly matter to me at times, because my life is just so full and time is the enemy.
I am 100% different from the person I was 15 years ago, because I evolved, I changed, I grew, and I matured as a person. I don't know what is waiting for me down the road, but I sure hope and can keep improving on myself and become the person God wants me to be. I make mistakes. Lots. I'm not a perfect wife, daughter, sister...person. At all. But that's what life is about. Continuing to grow. (just not in the physical aspect, lol!) I have no idea where all of this came from, I apparently am rambling today...lol.
Back to the whole Friday thing, yea...I love Fridays because I love the weekends. This is the first job I've ever had where I get every weekend off. It's the most amazing thing ever! And since I've started this weight loss journey, I love them even more. I kick some serious exercising boo-tay on the weekends! And it makes me feel invincible! It makes me feel like losing 200 pounds in 2 years is a totally achievable goal. And I am in it to win it! I wish I could just fast-forward for a minute and see what I would look like 200 pounds lighter! Lol. That would be some serious motivation right there. Just a sneak-peak...why not? ;)
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| Feeling Strong & Confident! |
Today has been an interesting today. My boss usually buys us lunch once a month. So I was kindof stressed about it. I told our office manger that if we couldn't choose a place where I could eat healthy, that I would just bring my lunch today. But she was totally understanding and we talked the boys in to Colton's. So I was really excited. A 6oz Sirloin only has 240 calories in it, so I could easily have a 400 calorie lunch. Except...I look up the calories through MFP for Colton's 6oz Sirloin and it was WAY off. Like...they say there's has 490 calories! Unless you marinated it in BUTTER, that is just impossible. So I called and talked to the cook. He tells me that they just put some seasonings on the steaks and cook them on the grill with Pam. That's no calories or very, very few. So that calorie count on MFP has GOT to be wrong. It was causing me serious anxiety. I don't want my calories to be way off. I decided to go with my gut and put it in as 240, because that is just craziness. But I'm still stressing about it.
After work I headed to the gym. It was a solo workout day again and that just breaks my heart! LOL But I survived it! I did 30 whole minutes STRAIGHT on the Elliptical today, while watching the Bold & the Beautiful. :) And then I did legs and ended with some nice calm Spa Music in the Sauna. I was all by myself and it was wonderful. It was really nice to take 15 minutes and clear my head and just relax.
Then I headed home and threw together some leftovers and here I am. Gonna work on my secret project after I publish my blog. I'll show ya what I've been working on tomorrow night (if I don't forget). You guys have an AMAZING Saturday and I will talk to you tomorrow night!
Here is the breakdown of my food choices for today:
Breakfast
PB & Banana Smoothie = 335 cals
Lunch
6oz Sirloin, steamed broccoli, & half of a sweet potato with a tad of butter = 476 cals
Afternoon Snack
Baby Carrots & Sweet Cherries = 122 cals
Dinner
Chicken & Veggie Stir-fry, and those Corn Chips w/ Avocado Dip (the avocado had to be eaten before it ruined!) = 598 cals
That puts me at 1531 calories for the day.
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| Yum!!! |
Goodnight y'all!!
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