Friday, July 29, 2016

July 29th, 2016: Nobody Is Perfect, Especially Me

So the day started out pretty good, I was so excited to have this one last shift standing between me & a 9 day Vacation. I mean, who wouldn't be? So I got up, threw my FitBit on the Charger and hopped in the shower. I must've gotten carried away in the lovely warm, muscle relaxy-ness (yup, made that word up), because before I knew it, my hurry up alarm was going off. I set lots of alarms for myself in the mornings so that I won't be late....but I'm still late...a lot. Lol...I'm late so much that the president of the company issued a new policy that if you're late, you have to stay over 15 minutes after 5. That was all for So I've been working REALLY hard on getting to work on time the past few weeks. When I hear that hurry up alarm go off, I go in to hurricane mode and start throwing clothes on and getting everything ready really fast. I made my smoothie in record breaking time and jetted out the door!

Half way to work I realize my wrist is naked. No FitBit. Shoot me now. My life is over. How will I EVER survive the day?? I was crushed. I have NEVER done that before! I talked to my sister after I got to work and she says she will bring my FitBit with her when she comes to the Y after work, so at least I'll have it to work out....Nope....she left early and forgot it. Sadness....such sorrow in my life. Lol. I seriously was lacking all motivation for working out because my steps wouldn't count and it wouldn't read my heart rate. How ridiculous is that??

So I head over to the Y after work, with zero motivation. I've decided that I'm going to do a short workout, and then go swimming with my family. My mom was meeting us there. I get there and they are already there getting dressed. JUST as my sister goes in to the pool area to let her babies play, they close the pool. How sad. Her 3 year old was crushed. He LOVES to swim and he could not understand why such a cruel joke was played on him. It was heart breaking. And it was even worse because we couldn't do a dang thing about it. A storm was coming and they are very particular about letting people in the pool when there is lightening nearby. I totally 100% get that. What I don't get, is why they told her the pool was open and let her change those babies, only to close it a few short moments later?? Why not tell her that a storm is looking like it's headed this way, and although it's open now, it will most likely be closing soon. We had looked at the forecast and it totally looked like it was going to miss us. It was just so sad to see that baby bawling and not be able to do anything about it.

At that point I was 100% drained of all motivation to do anything at all as far as working out. So I did what any reasonable person would do. I went to eat Chinese with my momma. I had a really great time visiting with her and hanging out and talking our heads off. And then...I had an epic fail. I went and got Peach Cobbler with Ice Cream. I didn't have the available calories for it. I was already full and had NO business going up there. I didn't need it. But I wanted it sooooooooo bad. And I got it. And I ate every bite. And I felt awful. Terrible. Disgusted. When we walked out of the restaurant I was so sick to my stomach I thought I would be sick. I drove home crying almost the whole way. I came in the door of my apartment, and I lost it. I ran to the bathroom and was sick.

I honestly don't think it had anything to do with the actual cobbler other than the fact that I was already full. But I seriously beat myself up the whole way home. I'm pretty sure I committed emotional abuse on myself. It was bad. I don't know what happened, or why I let it get to me that bad, but in that moment, I felt like a total and complete failure. It was rough.

Lesson learned. Behave. Don't be an idiot. Losing weight and getting healthy and Living Longer is way more important than some damn Peach Cobbler. I can and will do this the right way. I am strong enough. I am smart enough. And I am worthy of being that person. I may need to say that to myself a few hundred times a day. The struggle is real y'all. Say a prayer for me. ;)

Here's the breakdown of my Food Choices for today:

PB Banana Smoothie = 340 cals

Half Turkey Sammy, cottage cheese, celery w/almond butter, fresh (not ripe enough) cantelope = 463 cals

2 Boiled Eggs and a Protein Shake = 236 cals

Broccoli Beef with Water Chestnuts, Shrimp, & Mushrooms and a side of Black Pepper Chicken, peach cobbler with Ice cream = 737 cals

Total for the day 1776. Not insanely high, but much higher than I want. Not good. Tomorrow is a new day.

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